Him & Her

xx. Her

I almost turn back around, 

At the foot of the library.

My hands are shaking,

My mind has ceased to work already.

Am I really ready to face him again? 

Is all it says.

The question claws at my heart,

And at my brain.

Am I ready?

I try to calm my nerves,

My breathing deep and heavy.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Just like the doctor said.

Just as I've convinced myself,

There's nothing I could gain by going in there,

And nothing i could lose,

For how could you lose someone you never had?

I feel something hard hit against my knee.

Protruding out of the purse is the book I'm supposed to return.

But maybe, it's a sign.

I must go in there.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

There's a creak as I enter.

And there he is, standing behind the corner.

He's looking right at me again

And I want the Earth to swallow me up whole.

Under the intensity of his gaze,

It feels as if the whole world around us 

Has ceased to exist.

I take my eyes off of him,

It's doing me no good,

I focus on my feet instead,

As I walk towards the counter.

Under his unending stare,

I continue with indifference,

Head bent low,

Fumbling around in search of what I am here for.

But inside, it's killing me to even stand so close to him.

The silence is suffocating me.

I can feel my heart pounding against my chest

I can feel my stomach churning.

I've suddenly forgotten how to breathe.

I hope, I beg, I pray,

He does not notice,

My nervous state.

For he must think I'm half mad,

If he does.

I find the book and place it on the counter.

Then without a word, I walk away.

Returning to my place behind the gap

With another piece of my heart, torn away.