The Stains of the Crown

Chapter Forty Two

Trigger warnings: mentions of lingering aftermath of SA, mentions of alcohol abuse.

Smut warning.

Things change after Vix reveals what really happened. Finley takes to asking me constantly if I'm okay. Jovi never strays far from me, but she never touches me. Neither of them do. I catch them watching me, their faces shrouded by anger, or pain, but we don't talk about it. We don't talk about much of anything.

About three weeks in, Jovi waits for me on the bed while I shower. I walk out without so much as a towel on. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't trying to tempt her into touching me. I think I've succeeded when I see the lustful flare in her eyes, but just as quickly as it appears, she stomps it down and covers her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she mutters. I scoff, shaking my head as I pull out some clean clothes.

"You don't need to be sorry for seeing me, or even for the want I saw. But this shit you two have been doing, being all overly cautious with me? It needs to stop."

"We're worried about you," she mutters, keeping her eyes covered until I'm completely dressed. I don't bother to hide my frustration, letting out a groan.

"Jovi, there's nothing to worry about! I don't want this shit. I don't need it. What I want is for you to be able to touch me, or even just look at me without thinking I'm going to break," I spit. "It's been a long time since Mazus did what he did. I've had time to get over it. Not to mention, we've had sex a million times since then. You didn't hurt me then, you're not going to now."

She lets out a heavy sigh, running her hand through her hair. "You've just been through so much. I figured that with everything going on-"

"Jovi," I snap, "I don't need you two to treat me like I'm fragile. Now, I'm going to go to the village, alone, and you two are going to figure out how to get over your fear of hurting me because this sexual distance bullshit is what's hurting me right now."

"It's not safe for you to go alone." I'd roll my eyes at her concern, but they hadn't let me go anywhere without the guards since before Aiden was born, and after Mazus, I couldn't exactly blame them. Still, I needed to be alone. I grab my gun from the top of my wardrobe.

"I'll take this, but I'm going alone," I say firmly. My mind wouldn't be changed, a point I enunciate by strapping the gun around my waist. I can't help but relax at its comforting pressure.

"Fine," she mutters, "but I need you to link me if anything happens, okay?" I give her a nod. "I love you, Echo." Something in the way she says it tears at my heart strings, like an odd desperation to be believed.

"I love you too," I say softly.

On my way to the village, I think about how she'd sounded, that desperation in her voice. Did she know it'd been a struggle to feel loved by her? By either of them? Was she aware of the way I'd been doubting that?

I think about the way things have changed since Vix told them the truth, how difficult those changes had been. The weird emotional distance, that had been getting to me just as much, if not more, than the sexual distance. I didn't like how careful they were being not to upset me. It was hard not to resent Vix for that; harder still not to resent myself. The emotional distance had absolutely been created by me lying. But it hadn't been there before they knew I'd lied. I can't help but wish I could go back to that.

"Echo-" I have my gun out and aimed at Cinder's head before I can even register that it's her. "Relax, it's just me," she says, her hands up in surrender, her eyes wide in shock. I sigh, re-holstering the gun.

"Sorry," I mutter. "I was thinking. Didn't hear you come up. What are you doing out here, anyways?" She sighs, falling in line next to me.

"I was just going on a walk. Vix is still out cold."