Linger in love

(25) My Dying Love

Fairaway House, Surrey

Lord and Lady Fairaway made their way to their new home. Penelope looked to her ring on her finger. "It is quite beautiful Thomas" she smiled up at him. "You have gone rather quiet. You have barely spoken most of the journey"

"I am sorry for that. I need to speak with you about something important"

"What is it?"

"Let's have dinner first, then we will have a private moment to ourselves"

Pen took a big gulp. She had nearly forgot about this part. They have to make love. He is her friend. She glanced at him again. He is rather handsome. I never realised before. Or perhaps I did not allow myself to.

He was looking out the window when he spoke "You are staring, Lady Fairaway"

"You are my husband, my Lord. Am I not allowed to admire you"

He turned around. His face inches from hers. His fingers delicately grazed her lips "You are breathtaking Penelope"

Pen was starting to feel quite heated "Why did you not tell me before. That you cared for me?"

"I did not think you would care for me back and I know you do not. But I wish to earn your affection now"

"Affection is not something to be earned"

"It is when I have eyes for the most beautiful lady in all of England"

"Tommy, don't..."

"Don't want? tell you the truth" Tommy knew what her family was like. Knew that was reason enough to show the love. Not just speak them.

She tilted her face almost waiting for him to show a smirk so she knew it was a friendly jest. Instead he drew her closer. He gave his a small kiss on her lips. She started to feel quite shy. Considering how long she had known this man, it was highly irregular.

They heard a muffled voice and a tap on the carriage.

Thomas looked at her deeply. Pen eyes wide, wishing he was still kissing her, her eyes moved down to his lips still in thought. It was a delicate touching of lips. Yet, it felt wonderful.

"We have arrived, my love" He smiled when he realised how much she enjoyed the kiss. Her cheeks were rosy pink and as he smirked, her eyes flew back to his.

"Pardon me?" Pens voice went rather high.

Thomas took her hand. He furrowed his brow "Are you nervous?"

"Well.. " she looked down.

"Penelope, we have know each other along time. You can tell me anything"

"I am, a little nervous I have to admit. I have never. Well that is. Never really thought about what happens" he squeezed her hand harder. Helping her down from their carriage. He kept his voice low as they walked to the grand home.
"Everything will be well, you will see"

"Really?" Her voice still trembling with nerves.

"Trust me. I saved all my love for you"

She knew by his expression that he was being earnest. He may have had partners but he never cared for either of them. Tommy was a handsome man. There was bound to have been many a night in other women's embrace.

"That is a long time to wait, Tommy"

"I am a patient man" he brought her hand to his lips "So if we are going to make fools of ourselves, then at least we will do that together" he kissed the back of her hand.

Pen smiled. They started to walk upstairs immediately after entering. They did not speak as they asended the staircase. They moved to the their bedchamber and he asked her to sit on the bed.

He kneeled at her feet. "But first I will need to tell you something"

"Penelope" he cleared his throat "Pen. I am dying"

Pens eyes went wide in shock "What?"

"I have been ill for a year, but sadly my doctor does not think I will have a long life. But a full one, indeed"

Pen just sat taking all his words in, she was holding back his tears. But he could see the tremble of her lips.

"His advice to me was, enjoy the time you have left"

This was it, was this merely lust. Something to keep himself busy. Is that what he means by caring. Because this feels somehow cruel.

"I don't understand" she shook her head.

"My last wish was to marry the woman I love and hope she may give me an heir. So when I die the title will go to my son. You will be provided for"

The woman he loves, as a friend, to be sure. Marriages have been built on far less.

Pen shook her head "You can't be serious!" she started to grizzle.

"I'm deadly serious, pun intended"

"Don't joke" she scowled

"I cannot help it. You make me nervous"

"But we are friends"

"We are. But I very much want to spend the rest of my life with you, no matter how short a time it may be. You must not let anyone know of my illness, I do not want anyone in the ton to think you tricked me in any way"

"Very sensible Tommy. But why?"

"You are very smart Penelope. I am certain you have realised my feelings for you"

"Pen looked stunned "You care for me?" all this time she thought all his words were just that, words. She never imagined the extent of what it could mean. She never thought he cared for her, more than a friend.

"I also want you to be provided for"

Pen took his face in her hands "You are only thinking these thoughts because you are dying" she cried.

"No, I have been in love with you ever since you saved me at Covner Creek" he spoke softly "Who could not" he smoothed her cheek "You are smart. Hauntingly beautiful and ever since the waters depth took my breath away, I don't think I ever got it back" he gave a half smile "If I kiss you, then you will know that we made the correct choice"

"We already have kissed. I do not understand"

"Kiss me, knowing that I want you. Every part of me. All I am, wants you. You alone have made me the happiest I have ever been"

She shook her head.

"Kiss me, just to see if you like me back. If you do not then I will still be happy. But I am curious"

Thomas leaned in and gave her a soft kiss "Nothing?" he questioned into the kiss.

Her eyes fluttered at him, wanting. No, needing him to continue. Then his lips met hers again, her fingers tracing the back of his neck. She moaned into the kiss. As if it were waking her up, bringing her life. His kisses went down her neck before meeting at her lips once more, he moaned her name while the kiss deepened taking her breath away.

His words of love and affirmation burned into her. He wanted to be gentle, but a man who had waiting for his whole life for his true love, could not be that patient.

Not when she was heating up under his gaze. Not when they were now husband and wife.

She grew warm as his tongue darted forward colliding with hers. He stood up while still kissing her, pulling her with him. He felt her body mould against his. He trembled under her touch as her hand slipped over his chest. This felt so right. So perfect.

This may not be love for her. But to me it was the most beautiful lie.