Linger in love

(23) Loosing All

"I am to marry Lord Fairaway. You never have to see me again, Eloise" her tone went softer
"I am sorry for the pain I have caused. But I will no longer be treated unfairly in society, by you, Colin or anyone else. I am done" her tone stern, like she had been practising the words in her head for over an hour.

"You really think distance will make you any less cruel?" Eloise snapped.

Penelope took a step closer. Cruel. I am not the cruel one.

"Perhaps, Eloise. In the future when you put your family once again under scrutiny, you shall remember the kindness I showed"

"Is that what you call it, kindness. The only person you were thinking of was yourself" she spat out the last syllable.

"In earnest, it was only your welfare that I was considering when writing that column. You do not know me at all Miss Bridgerton. Truly, you never did to believe that" Penelope spoke so smoothly, considering her heart was once again breaking. She had to remind herself, that this is for the best.

Eloise looked at her friend in disbelief.

"Oh, I know you" Eloise tone acidic.

"If you did, then we would not be having this conversation" she curtsied at Eloise "Goodbye"

"Is that all I get" Eloise tone uncertain. She was loosing her. Her eyes burned but she held back the sign of weakness. She refused to let Penelope see how much pain she was in by her mere words.

"Yes. I deserve to be happy, even if you do not wish it so" Eloise was holding back the tears, she wanted to apologise for being so harsh, but in her mind she refused to see it from any other view point but her own.

And with that Pen left. She held herself strong considering how close she was to collapsing on the floor in tears. She closed the door after her. Her face down for a moment. Taking a few short breaths, trying to get some sense of composure back.

She nearly bumped into Colin while leaving her room.

"Pen, I did not realise you were here" his smile large. The smile of pure evil. What a foolish pursuit of what I assumed was a good man. Never again.

Pen nodded at Colin "Good day, Mr Bridgerton"

"Mr Bridgerton?"

She turned her face for a moment "I hope our paths no longer cross"

What the devil!

Colin rushed after her "Pen. Pen. Stop at once"

Pen stopped while standing close to the door. His brows furrowed.

Pen was not herself. What the hell had my sister done. Why does Pen look so close to tears. I want to reach and hold her. But then that dream will replay. The bed sheet, her smile, those lips.

Hers were trembling. Why was her lips trembling..

"What has happened, Pen?"

Pen scowled at him "Do not fret Mr Bridgerton, I know you would never dream of courting me. So your wish has come true. I marry Lord Fairaway in the morning. Good day, sir"

Mr Bridgerton? Shit she has taken that completely out of context. Her frown line was so adorably cute. Although I possibly should not be thinking that when there was murder in her eyes.

I did not mean it, Pen I.. I.. You are so wonderful and brilliant and I.. I.. why cant I just say what I think. Why cant I just think the words. Will them to life. How do you tell someone how much they mean without sounding foolish.

"Pen, wait you do not understand, I..." Colin pleaded to continue but she cut him off.

"I understand perfectly. You are a liar and a fraud of a friend. I wish never to see you again"

Colin could feel his heart crumbling with every word. He had completely mucked this up.

"But Pen I..." he grabbed her arm. Without thinking she turned and slapped him across the face. He stood in shock. "Do not touch me!" she screamed. Colin froze, he raised his eyes to look at her. Feeling much the broken man.

His hand touched his cheek. It burned from Pens hatred. A loose tear dropped. His heart was thumping at such a fast pace. How had he fallen so far. He did not deserve someone as wonderful as Miss Penelope Featherington. She was beautiful and smart. She was not the same as Miss Marina Thompson, he was such a fool. He didn't know what love was. Not that he knew now. He just knew that he needed Pen. He needed her with a passion. A desperate need to be around her. Oh god, he will not see her smile again. Or hear her laugh. This was torture.

It was too late she had gone. Colin took the ring from his pocket. Playing with it between his fingers.

"Colin, are you well?" Violet walked to embrace her son.

"Mother. I..." he turned his face to the floor" Pen is to marry Lord Fairaway"

Violet gasped. She noticed the ring in Colin's hand fall to the floor. His face pure anguish.

"My son"

Colin put his hand up "This is all my fault"

Not wanted his anguish to be witnessed he turned and walked away. Leaving his mother open mouthed and her brows furrowed.

Colin paced in his room before collapsing on his bed, hating himself.

A knock at the door and Eloise entered "Are you well brother?"

Colin shook his head "No, I am not. I wanted to marry her El, instead I ruined her life"

"You are being a tad dramatic"

"Her slapping my face and showing her detest to me, proves otherwise"

"You wanted to marry her?" Eloise gaped her mouth open.

"I did. Does no one wish to marry me. What is wrong with me Eloise" Colins fingers went uncomfortably through his hair, like it was a foreign object.

"Nothing is wrong with you, brother" she sat on the bed "Colin. She is a liar. A bad friend. If there is anyone who should feel bad about her outburst. It is she. I cannot believe she slapped you! does her cruelty know no bounds"

"I was the one that was cruel, I disrespected her as a woman, I pushed a potential suitor away from her. I am at fault El, not Pen" he raised his voice a little "She has been nothing but good to me"

"She is Lady Whistledown, Colin. She IS the reason Marina Crane was ruined. The reason Daphne was shunned in her first season. Did you forget what she did to me. She is a monster, Colin"

"You are incorrect Eloise..."

"She is. I know for a fact"

"I do not care El. I... "

"You what?.. "

"It does not matter" his lips parted a little, as he nearly shot the word out before he was ready to admit it to himself "I have lost her and the only hope I had of happiness"

"How does it not matter. She broke Marina's heart, mine, yours"

"I broke hers!" he shot out "... and by the look on her face, I was not the only one who had done such. I cant"

"You cannot what?"

"I cannot go through my whole life, without her in it" he didn't expect to be that honest. El looked at him in complete shock. She had never heard Colin speak like that.

"Oh!" Eloise did not know the right reply to such a proclamation. Her brother was smitten and she did her utmost to push her as far away as she possibly could. God, she hated herself. Had she just broken Colins heart too.