Linger in love

(31) The Yellow Room

Pen sat with Lady Bridgerton. It was a beautiful morning and the sunshine was brushing freckles slowly across her skin.

"Did you sleep well?" Violet said while sipping her tea.

"Hmm. I did. Thank you" she did not know why it was Colin's bed that she awoke in though. She tried to keep control of the anger niggling inside of her.

"Are you and Colin well?, I was rather surprised to see you in his bed"

"As was I" Pen shuffled in her dress. Feeling awkward about the whole situation.

"You did not know" Violet looked positively feral. Why had Colin not put her in one of the spare rooms. So she wouldn't be so confused in the morning. He can't just go around letting ladies sleep in his room. Pen will get a reputation. She tightened her jaw, quickly released it when she saw the confused expression on the young lady in front of her.

She recollected the night before "I remember exhaustion taking over, then when I woke up I was in Colin's room" she shook her head trying to make sense of what must have occurred. She sipped her tea trying to force memories to the surface with no avail.

"I see" clearly she did not see and Pen did not understand why she was in his room. Only Colin would be able to answer that question. If she didn't murder him first. Colin is a kind and decent man when his words were not callus and aimed at her.

I do not know what I am most angry about.

I was in his Colins bed, I was comfortable breathing in the sheets. Before I realise that scent must be of Colin. I liked it, which makes me furious. What would my Tommy think of me now.

Her mind flew back to hearing those words while stood behind a tree. How the words hit like arrows to her heart. All the dreams she had about true love, were just that. Dreams. She should have known better. What was worse, she should have listened to her mother.

Although love was not all fantasy, Tommy made her believe the opposite was true. His love was so fierce and unwavering. Perhaps, we only get one chance of love. That was mine.

They changed the subject, the awkward glances were becoming unbearable.

Violet stood up to leave Pen alone. She was looking low again and requested to stay outside for a little longer.

Colin passed his mother on the way out to see Pen. His mum had a murderous glint her eyes. He was worried that if he spoke she would tackle him to the floor. He let down a large gulp and walked to her.

She was sitting, in her own thoughts. I smiled as I moved closer to her. She turned.

I've never been terrified of a woman before, just on instinct my hands covered my privates, fear she may rip it off.

Pen looked close to furious "Why was I in your bed Colin?" her tone clipped.

Colin stared at her for a moment. Was she accusing him of something truly awful. How could she think such a thing. I put up my hand, defending my actions. Insulted that she even had the audacity to ask me.

"You were exhausted, I put you in the bed to rest..." he started to explain, desperate for her to believe him. He would never, could never attempt to ruin what was left of her. His sweet and kind, and beautiful friend. He felt physically sick of the thought that she would think that of him. Like he was a monster. He once thought she knew him better than most. Perhaps, he was wrong.

"You cannot just put me in your bed. We cannot share a bed Colin. I am in mourning" she scorned.

"I did not sleep in my bed" his patience grew thin. But she could see on his face that he did not mean to raise his voice at her. Her regained his composure "I heard chatter outside the guest rooms and did not want anyone to get the wrong idea, so I placed you in my bed"

"Where did you sleep?"

"In one of the guest rooms. Thought you best have the most comfortable sheets in the house" he smiled. "And before you ask why I did not just put you in a carriage, I was concerned for your welfare, a lady should not travel alone and it would seem strange if I accompanied you"

He had a point. She looked up at him, realising she had not met his gaze all morning "Thank you"

Colin fidgeted on his feet "You are welcome" she noticed him shuffle uncomfortably

"Are you well?"

"I think I pulled my back out on that bed"

"I am so sorry Colin"

"Why are you sorry. I could have quite easily shared the bed with you, and left early enough for you not to notice" he attempted levity. But god he thought about it. Thought about her in his bed sheets. The light yellow fabric loosely covering her skin. He should not think of such things, especially not now that she seemed almost disgusted by him.

"The gentleman you are" she smirked.

"Don't you forget that, Pen" he smiled. Then it faded "Ever"

She nodded. Recoiling a little, after her outburst.

"I noticed my family had not attended the ball last night"

"no, um. They have not been out in society for a while. Since the week you left"

"That is a long time, Why?"

"Pen. You are a daughter and a sister. What did you think would happen. They could not quite carry on as usual with the ton questioning their values. I overheard Lady Cowper refer your mama "As a sorry excuse for a mother who should have known better"

"You jest, mama would never let that get to her"

"How little you know of more than your own heartbreak Lady Fairaway. How little, indeed" Colin was overcome as his own words hitting home. He turned and slowly walked back to the house.

She hurt him. Really hurt him. Hearing of her families position, she deemed it now necessary to visit them before she left. They did not know of her pregnancy or her husband's title or the fact she was grieving him. Lady Bridgerton, Lady Danbury and Gen were the only ones she divulged that information to.