Truly Forgiven(adopted by Jennifer Lawrence/ final book)

Ch. 9: I'm Sorry

Jade's PoV

I drag myself out of bed. I feel horrible. I can't believe that just slipped out of my mouth. She's such a good mom and a good person in general, and no one deserves to hear that from someone they'd give up everything for, and yet I told her. I know I'm young and I'm going to do dumb stuff, but that, that was really out of line. The fact she believed me was the worst part. No, I take that back, the worst part is making my mom cry. I caused her pain. She loves me, still. That sucks because I don't want her to if all I'm going to do is cause her pain. It's absolutely horrible that she would give me her whole heart just for me to stomp on it.

I cross the hallway to do what I know is right. I can hear her sobbing from outside of the door. I gently tap on it. "Mom," I whisper. "Not now, Jade, please." She interrupts, "mom, I just wanted to say I'm sorry." She wipes her eyes before looking at me. "Jade, I'm the one who's sorry. I did this to you. I made you feel like this. I told them not to let you go to foster care because I thought I could provide you with a stable home, but obviously that wasn't the case." she says tearing up once more. I'm about to speak when Dad comes in. "Jade can you go in your room for a minute? I already put Willow down." I get a lump in my throat but I turn around saying, "I love you." before returning to my room and shutting the door behind me.

My mind races with these thoughts that I can't stop. There are these awful voices in my head. What they tell me are all lies, but you know what they say, if you hear a lie long enough, you start to believe it. I've had these lies filling my head for some time, but they were never like this. They tell me that it's right, that I was never meant for this amazing life. They tell me that I got what I deserved when my father beat me. They tell me that no matter what I do, I wont ever be good enough. I'm a puddle of tears when one voice stands out. One line. One sentence. "Harm yourself and we will stop and go away." My actions are rushed and not thought out when I drag my nails across my arm. They stop. The voices in my mind are pleased. I dry my eyes on my towel I still had left out from earlier. I look down at my arm and realize that I drew blood. Tears start stinging my cheeks again in realization of what I did. I watched my blood seep out of my skin before it started to burn. I quickly ran into my bathroom and set it under cold running water, which didn't help the stinging.

I sit on my bed thinking of what a big mistake I made, but the voices are gone. At least for now. At least I can actually quiet my brain for a while. Eventually, I fall asleep, but it's not long before Dad walks in. "Hey, Jade." He sits down next to me and pets my hair. "Your mom is just upset." He begins. I nod. "She loves you and just wants the best for you. We talked about it and she's not mad or upset with you. She's upset because she feels like she hasn't done enough for you and stuff like that, but Jade you have to be nice to her. She loves you. You're her whole heart. If you ever needed anything, you know she'd be right there. When did all this start? When she went to go film that movie earlier in the year? Joy?" He asks. I shrug in response. "Well, you know Comic Con is in a couple weeks and she has to go. People are bound to ask about you and see how you're doing and we can't have your mom busting into tears. Just spend sometime with your mother, okay. Ya'll need bonding time because she's been really busy with the baby." He bends down and hugs me. "Okay?" he asks. "Okay." I whisper. "What happened to your arm?" He asks. My heart stops and my eyes widen.  "Um, I got a mosquito bite and I scratched a little to hard." I say. "Oh, well, there's some Neosporin in the counter underneath the sink in our bathroom along with Band-Aids, so when you go hang out with your mother take care of it." He half smiles. "I'm gonna go check on your sister. I'll talk to you later." I nod. "I love you." He says. "Love you." I manage a smile.

Yeah go check on your daughter who's sleeping perfectly fine in her crib and leave this daughter who's dying on the inside and no one can notice. I put my hair back up into a messy bun because a while ago it fell out and I just left it down, then I walk over to mom's room.

A/N: I'm sorry. This is just what happened when I clicked add new part. I never plan these things they just come out of me... Anyway I hope you... enjoyed?... this chapter. I'm on my way back home to Tennessee tomorrow! Yep! Then we are going to go visit some of my new step moms family in Louisville, maybe before school. Maybe, so don't get excited because it'll most likely have to wait, but whatever. ANYWAYYY.... I do not want to go back to school and I go back August 3rd ew. But I go back so early because we get out for 2 weeks in spring and 2 weeks in fall annnnnd 2 weeks during Winter/Christmas. Thank you so much for reading! Let me know whatcha think in the COMMENTS section! Wow, all of this included is 1021 words! Guess I do get inspired at 4:37 AM!!