Truly Forgiven(adopted by Jennifer Lawrence/ final book)

Ch.19: Up All Night

A/N LISTEN TO THE SONG

Jade's PoV

So much has happened this week. I wake up out of a restless sleep. I hate anxiety. The world now sees me as this aspiring young model who is also Jennifer Lawrence's daughter, but they don't see the mess of a person I actually am. 

A while ago I was depressed. I thought I was better, but then tonight hit. I have to leave my school again, which I don't really mind because the pressure of it all consumes me, but I can't bare to think of everyone I'm leaving. 

It's dark out, but that doesn't stop me. I walk downstairs and sneak out the back door. I breathe in the crisp cool air calming me a bit. It's a breezy night out. I don't know why this happens and why it happens so randomly. I begin to walk. This has become a normal thing. Sneaking out. The quite can be good, but sometimes it is violent. 

My all time favorite quote from Mockingjay is "Some walks you have to take alone." because how true it is. You do have to take some walks alone. I find comfort in the early morning just because it's like the world is asleep and you're the only person alive.

Mom would kill me if she ever found this out. I know she loves me. I just don't want to be here. I don't want to be alive. Humans are cruel.

About a month ago, I was online and I got multiple notifications saying there was a hate page about me. I, obviously, did the wrong thing by clicking on it. The lies on there were outrageous, but yet, part of me thought it was real? I did think I was an awful human being. 

As I walk on the barely lit sidewalk, I listen to music in my headphones. Ease by Troye Sivan plays. I love that song, it's so soothing. It's so easy to relate to. 

Listening to this song on repeat, I noticed I've wondered off to the little place Mom and I went, but this time I was up high looking over the water. 

Before I knew it I was taking my phone out of my pocket and my headphones out of my ears. And I jumped. 

As I jumped, I thought about the scene from Twilight, where Bella jumped. Her's was planned, I think, or maybe it wasn't, but I know this wasn't. In those milliseconds before hitting the water, my life flashed before my eyes, things I didn't even know that I remembered. It was all in third person. A very young Jennifer holding me in her arms crying as she handed me away, me crying on my so called bed, Mom finding me, meeting Josh, Willow being born, Mom kissing my forehead before tucking me into bed tonight. Then silence, and complete darkness. 

A/N short chapter sorry guys! Thank yall again for sticking by me. I'm trying to update I promise. Tell me what yall thought about this chapter.