A Messy (Not Reliable) Guide to Situationships

5. The First Time

Tony's birthday party really was amazing. He owned a big apartment on a second floor with a huge balcony. His home was packed with people, the tables filled with alcohol. Alexa and I loved it as soon as we got there.

Tony was a funny, charming, down-to-earth guy. Both him and his brother Rony were super tall, dark-skinned with pronounced features. Giants paled in comparison. They were also award-wining professional athletes in fencing, which helped their popularity and confidence.

Tony's girlfriend was beautiful. Dark blonde hair, blue eyes, tall frame, legs to die for and a bright smile. Her and Tony side by side just make sense. It was the same with Rony and Mikaela. She was also tall, long dark hair, pale skin, beautiful cheekbones. The two couples stood out wherever they went.

I noticed Alex as soon as I walked in. He was standing in the balcony talking to someone, his usual MO in motion. I headed to the kitchen and chatted with Tony for a while. He was really easy to talk to. And incredibly perceptive

Tony: You shouldn't get involved with Alex. He's not good for you
Me: I'm not involved with him
Tony: He's been looking at you since you walked in. And I caught you watching him too
Me: Why isn't he good for me?
Tony: He's just...too much. You never know what he's thinking. Like he's my cousin and I love him, but I would never trust him with anything. He's not someone you can rely on. Definitely not boyfriend material
Me: I don't want a boyfriend

He chuckled at this and seemed to be gathering his thoughts before he finally spoke

Tony: You think you don't but you do, okay? Casual is not what you need.
Me: I don't have time for a relationship with school. Also my parents are super controlling. I can't bring anyone home to that.
Tony: Okay. I don't know you that well. Maybe you can do casual. But not with Alex. He'll really screw you up.

I wanted to take Tony's advice. Deep down I knew he was right, but I ended up in the balcony a few minutes later, nonetheless. Alex was alone there now, smoking a cigarette. What is it about smoking that makes a guy look hotter? He noticed me and waved at me to get closer. I shouldn't have but I did.

Alex: You smoke?
Me: No. I hate it
Alex: Good for you
Me: You're alone. That's new.
Alex: Have you been watching me?
Me: You wish

I scoffed and turned to look at the street below, not wanting him to see the blush on my cheeks. Alex finished his cigarette and took a step closer to me. My back was to him.

Alex: Stop playing hard to get. It's boring
Me: What?

I turned towards him. He smiled, crossing his arms.

Alex: I don't like girls who make me chase them. It's not me.
Me: I'm not making you do anything.
Alex: Nice dress

I was confused at the abrupt subject change. I was wearing a little black dress with almost no cleavage. It was the most conservative thing he'd seen me in.

Me: Thank you. I like your shirt.

His shirt was really nice. All-white and louse. He looked elegant. In that moment I had to admit to myself what I had known all along deep down: I liked Alex. I wouldn't mind him paying me more attention or even touching me, so why was I making things difficult?

Actually, I knew why. He was so cocky and full of himself, it made me be stubborn and proud in response. Before neither of us could say anything, Alexa joined us, saying she had to pee real bad and the guest bathroom was occupied. Alex said he had a room in the apartment and we could use his bathroom.

Alex's room was plain. Just a bed, a mirror and an AC. No personal items or decoration.
Alexa went into the bathroom and Alex sat on the bed. I stayed on my feet, feeling awkward.

Alex: You can sit down

I reluctantly did, on the edge of the bed, as far away from him as possible. I took out my phone to see I had a few missed calls and texts from my mom. She texted me a million times when I was out. It was suffocating.

I was texting my mom back when I felt a pair of hands on the back of my neck. Alex was massaging my neck and it felt incredibly good. It wasn't long before I also felt his lips on my neck. Wet, hot kisses. Goosebumps all over my arms. A hand on my stomach moving upwards...

The door to the bathroom opened and Alexa came out. Alex didn't remove his hands and the sight of him almost getting to second-base she burst out laughing.

Alexa: Jesus, get a room!
Alex: We have one. Now leave us
Me: No!

I attempted to stand up but Alex's hands kept me in place. Alexa just winked at me and left the room.

Alex: Now, where were we?

He pulled me down into the bed and soon my dress was gone and his shirt was too. His hands on me and mine on him. He touched me in ways I'd never been touched before. His fingers explored places I hadn't even dared to enter myself. It was overwhelming. I felt like I was drowning but I didn't mind. When he started to remove his jeans my pulse skyrocketed.

Me: I...umm...I've never done this before.

He didn't seemed surprised in the slightest. He stopped to look at me, not speaking, just observing.

Alex: Well do you want to?
Me: I think I do
Alex: You think or you know?
Me: I know. I want to

My first time wasn't like in the movies. It was painful and uncomfortable. Alex did his best, of that I am sure. He was constantly kissing my lips, my cheeks, my forehead. He wanted me to enjoy it but my body wouldn't cooperate. It didn't last long, thankfully. And afterwards, I was glad. Suddenly we heard cheers and people singing Happy Birthday. Only then did it register that I had just had sex for the first time in the middle of a party, with people right outside who would probably guess what had happened when we walked outside.

It felt weird getting into my dad's car an hour later and not be a virgin anymore. I didn't have to tell Alexa. She just knew. I think she sensed it on me. I don't think I looked different but I definitely felt better, stronger, more confident.

I was a girl who thought her worth depended on how much a guy wanted her. Alex had wanted me. He had chosen me over every other girl in the party. I thought that meant I was special. That night, despite the pain and the soreness, I felt reborn. Common sense left my body along with my virginity.