Stray Kids Oneshots

Binary - Chanlix

duo- chanlix
trope- friends to lovers
word count- 1400
contains- angst, fluff, transphobia (internalised and from other people), self harm, suicide attempt, gender diversity, coming out, self discovery, gender dysphoria
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Chris loved Felix. He loved his dear Felix so very much. He couldn't figure out what it was that had caused such an outburst and emotional response from the younger.

And over something as simple as a compliment.

That morning, Felix had come downstairs into the kitchen, half-asleep as anyone would be 6am. With the low grumble and fluffy hair that had grown so long it tickled Felix bare back when the Australian was shirtless - Chris couldn't help but think his lover looked adorable. And, as he said to the younger, ever such a handsome man. Which Chris believed to be nothing but the case.

But Felix seemingly did not, the younger just let out some form of a scream or yell of unreadable distress. There was no words just a cry of anger that Chris really couldn't figure out the meaning of. And before he had the chance to speak, Felix was already storming off somewhere.

At first he thought that maybe Felix was just in a bad mood, having had to wake up so early. But the group had to wake up that early everyday to be ready for practise at 7:30, so surely that wasn't the problem.

Then, after pondering on the situation for longer and watching Felix's clear lack of confidence during any schedules they had together, Chan wondered if maybe Felix's self esteem was lower than usual that day. But still, the younger always went to his hyung for support with that - knowing if anyone was to understand that, Chris would be the one.

It truly messed Chris' head up throughout the entire day, but he couldn't find a single chance free to grab a moment and ask the younger directly.

Oh how he wished he would've anyway.

"Hey, hyung?" Jeongin's voice floated into the leader's bedroom and captured the elder's attention.

Chan's head perked up, his eyes searching for where the familiar voice came from until it landed upon the maknae - only his upper body visible as he poked himself around the corner of the doorframe. He didn't look like he had something particularly pleasant to share. "Yeah? What's up Jeongin?"

"How long has Felix been in the shower?"

"Uhh, I don't know. What time is it now?" Chris asked, although he answered his own question as his eyes landed on the digital clock displayed on his phone that had just lit up with some new notification.

Shit.

That was all he could think.

He remembered hearing the door to one of the three bathrooms in their dorm opening and closing, the shower soon turning on after but he cannot remember hearing it turn it off.

And that was an hour ago. Felix only took 20 minute showers at the maximum, Chris knew that very well. Felix also had an attempt 3 years previous, back when the younger's mental health was extremely bad and Felix kept any problems that occured a secret from the other members. It was the realisation by Jeongin that Felix had had oddly long shower that saved the Australian's life back then. Chris knew that very well too.

"Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck." Chris scrambled to his feet, leaving his phone behind and rushing past (an extremely concerned as he had figured it out too) Jeongin. He practically crashed his way to the bathroom he knew Felix was in, banging loudly and aggressively upon the door.

This, unsurprisingly, caught the attention of the other members - causing them all to form a kind of circle around Chan as he continued to cry and yell out his lover's name, smash his fists against the door and rattle the door handle so rough that it unscrewed and came off the door in his hand.

"FELIX COME ON! YOU'RE SCARING ME, LIX, YOU'RE SCARING-" The door opened. "Me."

Felix looked extremely distressed, drenched hair and clothes that were still on and a face clearly stained with tears. Scratches across freckled cheeks and down Felix's neck like a cat's claws scraped down a chalkboard. Felix looked, well, not like the Felix that Chris knew, loved and adored with his whole heart.

The elder felt the temptation rise to ask 'who did this to you?', but that'd be one stupid question - Chris knew damn well who did this to his love. And it wasn't the real Felix.

Although, Chris was honestly yet to know who the 'the real Felix' really was. Felix didn't really know who that was either until very recently, that realisation battering the head of a person who didn't understand why the world was subjected to living by the rules of a rigid binary.

The other members, after standing there in horrified awe for a few moments at the state of their family-like friend, walked away off to their respective rooms to talk and mostly worry about the Australian. They knew giving Chan and Felix space was the best possible thing they could do in that moment.

"Felix..."

"I- I'm sorry. I tried to- I can't understand why- I can't- I-" Felix rambled on, attempting to say a list of different sentences but the words just got caught up in the throat of the Australian as it happened.

"No, shh, baby just tell me what's wrong. I'm not mad, not at all darling. I just want to help, I love you, so please tell me what's upset you to this extent." Chris cut him off smoothly, placing his hand against the younger's cheek that had just almost been shredded apart.

Felix took a breath in, finding comfort in the touch as a breath went in then out and the younger spoke. "Why do we, why do I have to choose? Why does the entire world have to split into two boxes, one coloured pink and the other blue."

Chan was confused at first, but the second Felix mentioned the colours - the elder knew almost exactly what had been going on.

"It doesn't. You don't have to choose, and if you want to choose then there's thousands more options than just pink and blue. Those boxes were built over time by ignorant people with the pure and disgusting intention to control other people and their lives. And mostly because they have a lack of control over their own and insecurities that they let get the best of them."

Chris spoke simply, but the words he spoke were enough to glue Felix's shattered heart slowly back together.

"But the moment someone says they don't want to be shoved into those boxes, people have such a massive problem about it." Felix replied, the dry tears becoming wet again as the Australian mumbled out pain and fears to the elder.

The shower was still running, water crashing down upon the tiles below it. The tears were still running, crashing down upon the ever so slightly freckled cheeks of someone who just wanted to kiss his lover's pain away and if that didn't work - he'd find another way to save Felix's life from the horrors of the human brain.

"Maybe you aren't looking in the right places. Maybe you're paying to much attention to the opinions of people that don't really matter. I think your boyfriend's opinions should matter more than the mindless scrollers of Instagram that comment bullshit on every post they see." Chris said and meant every syllable that fell from his lips.

"What would my boyfriend's opinions be on me being non-binary then? And preferring a feminine appearance to a masculine one... as well as preferring they/them pronouns."

"Well I'd say I have the most beautiful partner in the world and it's an honour to love and have them in my life."

Felix cried harder, the dam breaking and the truth setting in that not only had they realised who they were and come out but that the person who's opinion - out of every person's opinion - mattered the most, was gonna love them no matter what. Which they expected, but the fear was always there nonetheless.

"Don't cry baby, if you cry then I'll cry."

"Babe, you're already crying!" Felix let out a chuckle, dropping their head and leaning it against Chris' chest. The elder gently caressed the damp, long and blonde hair that Felix had as he wrapped his other arm around them.

"Exactly, now let's get you cleaned up love. Promise this shower won't take longer than 20 minutes."