Love & War | heehoon

regret and a little hope

Jay dropped the phone onto the bed, an exasperated sigh escaping his lips.

His hand scrubbed over his face as he sank deeper into the sheets, eyes fixed on the ceiling as if the answers might be written somewhere above him.

He couldn’t shake the strange twist in his stomach.

The gnawing ache that had started the moment he heard Sunghoon’s voice on the other end of the line, too confident, too sure, as though Heeseung was already his.

Across the room, Jake lay on his own bed, propped up against his pillow with a book in hand, though he’d been pretending to read for the last ten minutes.

He’d noticed Jay’s restlessness all week, the brooding silence, the irritated glances, and now this abrupt phone call that had ended in a heavy, loaded quiet.

Finally, Jake closed his book, leaning forward slightly.

"What's wrong?"
He asked softly, his tone cautious.

Jay’s head snapped toward him, his eyes flashing as he shot Jake a hard glare.

"Can you just shut up, Jake? Just once? God, why do you always have to ask questions?"
His voice was sharp, clipped, a venomous edge coating each word.

Jake’s face fell, but he bit back his first instinct to apologize.

He was used to Jay’s short temper, the way he brushed him off whenever he tried to get close.

Usually, he’d drop it, turning back to his book or his homework, pretending he hadn’t noticed the way Jay’s words cut deeper than they should.

But tonight, the bitterness in Jay’s voice felt sharper, and he felt something snap inside him.

He sighed, closing his book a little too loudly as he finally met Jay’s glare with one of his own.

"You know, I’m trying to be a friend, Jay. But every time, every single time I ask how you’re doing, you just push me away. I mean, do you even realize how rude you’re being right now?"

Jay rolled his eyes, muttering under his breath.
"You wouldn’t get it. Just mind your business."

Jake’s jaw tightened, his fists clenching as he held Jay’s gaze.

"Yeah? Maybe I don’t get it because you never let anyone in. You sit there, acting like everyone else is the problem, but maybe..you’re the one who’s pushing people away."

Jay scoffed, turning his head back toward the ceiling.
"Whatever. Like I asked for your opinion."

Jake took a deep breath, trying to keep his voice steady, though the frustration was bubbling up faster than he could control.

"Fine. You didn’t ask. But you know what? I’m tired of walking on eggshells around you. Every time you’re in a mood, I’m the one who gets snapped at. I’m done being your punching bag, Jay."

For the first time, Jay’s expression faltered, his eyes flicking back to Jake.

There was a flash of something.
Guilt, maybe, or surprise, but he quickly masked it, crossing his arms over his chest as he narrowed his eyes.

"You don’t know what you’re talking about."

"Then make me understand."
Jake challenged, his voice dropping to a quieter, almost pleading tone.
"Tell me what’s going on. I’m here. I’ve always been here. But I can’t keep trying if you’re just going to keep pushing me away."

Jay swallowed, his gaze softening for a moment as he looked at Jake.

He opened his mouth as if to say something, but the words didn’t come.