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motion sickness-phoebe bridgers 'i hardly feel anything at all'
many said that no feeling could compare to your first heartbreak, but in all honesty, zaria didn't feel anything after breaking up with nick. never once after crying in front of lynn had she shed a tear for him.
part of her felt guilty for not being more affected by it, but a small voice shouted in the distance that she was never meant to be with him in the first place. there was an emptiness that sat in her chest, but that wasn't anything new. it had been there since before she got with him when she was 13.
the random dudes from his team coming up to her calling her slurs did hurt, but she swallowed it. if nick couldn't even tell her what he thought himself, she was better than him.
she thought about their words everyday, repeating them all in her head, most often before before bed. that's why she tended to put on music and turn the volume all the way up so the thoughts wouldn't intrude.
her mom always bugged her about how it wasn't good and that she was probably going to end up deaf within she was 20. zaria ignored her, thinking that if it happened it would be time well spent.
music was the best way to escape reality, even if it only lasted for a short period of time. listening a song that said what she couldn't find the words to say was comforting.
zaria hoped she could be able to listen to music in peace and fall asleep on the three hour bus ride she knew she had to go through in order to get to the stupid school trip, but no.
instead she spent most of the bus ride with her face buried in a plastic bag, hoping she wouldn't throw up, because the whole grade definitely didn't need to see her bawling over that. the music distracted her, but not enough for the tears to stop threatening to spill.
"you've sat with your face in that bag for an hour and a half, there's no way you still feel sick" lynn turned around in her seat in front of the girl, an unserious tone in her voice. "mind your business, loud" zaria muttered, feeling the dizzines when she sat up straigher. lynn's eyes filled with concern. "are you actually going to throw up?" lynn asked, furrowing her brows. zaria laughed slightly. "what kind of question is that?"
"do you think you're going to thow up?" she repeated, but now zaria noticed there was a more serious look on her face. she struggled taking her seriously, and decided still reply half jokingly. "well i hope i don't, i'm gonna sob like a child if i do"
"have you tried motion sickness tablets? my sister takes them all the time" lynn told, knowing her mom stuffed somewhere around 50 of them in her bag before she left. "obviously. i took like 5 before i left home" zaria replied, keeping her eyes in her lap, knowing her face was either bright red or super pale, none of them being something lynn needed to see. "well, if you were to throw up i'll hold your hand" lynn replied. zaria chuckled. "aww how comforting"
lynn decided on trying to change the topic and asked about the first thing she noticed; the airpod in her ear. "what are you listening to?" she questioned.
the raven haired girl looked up for a second, noticing how lynn actually tried to show an interest in talking to her. she had a tendency to think people only stayed around her because they felt like they had to. she never felt like people talked directly to her and cared about her answer if there were others who could reply, but lynn seemed genuinely curious.
"mazzy star" she tapped her phone, showing the song playing. "of course you do" lynn laughed.
"what?" she smiled back, tilting her head. "let me guess, you also listen to phoebe bridgers, mitski, taylor swift, but only the sad kind and probably noah kahan too"
"and what do you listen to? chappell roan?" she asked back, not wanting to admit that lynn got them all correct. lynn rose her brows and bit her lip. "and what if i do?" zaria's stomach did a flip at the sight, making her have to hold back her smile. "it doesn't surprise me"
even though she still sat with the bag in front of her the entire trip, talking to lynn helped her get her mind away from the uncomfortable feeling that sat in her throat.
about an hour later, the bus parked and the nausea zaria had felt the past 3 hours went away. now the only thing she had to do was try to find her room and hope it wasn't too far away from her friends. there were papers with names stuck onto the doors, and under zaria's stood the name gabby.
she turned the doorknob and saw that gabby was already inside. the room was bigger than she had expected, two beds by each of the walls. the curtains were red and set the tone in the room and connected to the room was a small bathroom.
gabby turned to the other girl and sent her a tight lipped smile. "i took this bed, i hope that's ok" she said. "yeah, of course" zaria smiled back, trying her best to make a good first impression so she wouldn't make the trip worse than it already was. having her roommate hate her was not one of the better things that could happen.
the way jemma had described gabby seemed nothing like the girl she was now standing next to. she seemed distant, but for all zaria knew, maybe she was just tired. she didn't even know the girl so who was she to judge her behaviour?
