As I get ready for Alessias birthday party, I can already feel the anxiety kicking in. I'm going to have to face all of my old Arsenal teammates which in itself is not something I'm looking forward to, not because I dislike them but because the way I left arsenal and joined city was not the way I hoped it would happen. But the one person that I'm going to have to see is the main reason my heart feels like it's about to beat out of my chest. Leah. She's another thing I left behind when I joined Manchester city, but not by choice.
When she heard about me leaving, she couldn't accept it. I explained that moving was best for me, it would give me opportunities to play as I was barley getting minutes at Arsenal but she couldn't be happy for me. When I left for Manchester our relationship had already deteriorated so much that breaking up was the best decision for both of us, or so i thought. Even though I felt a piece of my heart break that day I couldn't bring myself to tell her that I regretted leaving.
Seeing her today is just going to remind me of all the things that have been left unsaid between us and that there hasn't been a day over the last 2 months where her blue eyes haven't consumed every though I had.
I hoped she wouldn't be there, that maybe she had somewhere else to be, but as I applied the last touches to my makeup and smoothed out the creases in my dress I realized how far fetched that would be and I also realized that I wanted her there, even if I couldn't fully admit it to myself yet.
Stepping into the cool Manchester air and into the taxi I prepared myself for the long journey to london. A journey i hadn't taken since I left everything I knew behind me.
I was pulled out of my thoughts by the taxi driver telling me I had arrived. I glanced out the window to the bustling restaurant we had pulled up in front of and the anxiety I had tried to distract myself from slowly began creeping up my chest again.
I thanked the driver, paying him before making my way to the entrance of the restaurant. The rapid beating of my heart in my ears almost silenced the loud music coming from inside the building.
I was about to push the door open, but when I saw her face through the glass my body froze. Her eyes were searching mine, And as much as I craved that feeling, it was too much. I couldn't do this. I turned around swiftly, scanning the road for the taxi I just got out of, hoping I could jump straight back into it.
But before I could move any further I heard my name being called, and I instantly recognized who it was without having to turn around
"Hey, where are you going?" Leah asked, her voice frantic and out of breath as she reached me
"I can't do this leah" i told her, keeping my eyes ahead of me as my voice shook slightly
"Everyone is so excited to see you. They're not angry, y/n" she tells me, her voice so full of conviction that it forces me to face her. I immediately regret it when I'm met with her perfect face. I can't help my eyes from trailing down her body, taking in every detail of the tailored suit that fits her perfectly.
Standing here right now just reminds me of everything I lost and the feelings overwhelm me completely. My heart beat gets increasingly louder, drowning out Leah's concerned voice and any other sound that surrounds us. Before I completely spiral I feel her gentle hands on my shoulders and she pulls me into her chest. Her perfume instantly envelopes me and my heart begins to slow. She's the only person who's ever been able to pull me back from a panic attack so quickly. There is just something about her that's always made me feel safe.
"You're okay. Take some deep breath's" she whispers I'm my ear, her words soothing and pushing the residual anxiety from my chest
I take one last grounding breath before pushing myself away from her embarrassment taking over me. This is the first time I've seen her in months and this is how I act.
"Fuck, I'm sorry Leah. This is embarrassing" I sigh, letting out an awkward chuckle as I run a hand through my hair
The crinkle of worry on Leah's face doesn't leave though, and she takes my hand that was fidgeting at my side into hers
"Don't apologize. I know this is hard for you, but I'm right here, it doesn't matter how we ended things y/n, I'll always be here when you need me" she tells me the emotion in her eyes and the meaning her words carry, leave me breathless.
I can't pull my eyes away from hers, it feels like we're the only 2 people in the world, but as much I wanted to stare into her ocean eyes all night we were interrupted.
"Hey mate, haven't seen you in ages. How's city life treating ya?" Katie exclaims, as she pulls me into a tight hug. I feel a smile creep onto my face and any nerves I had about seeing the girls tonight began to dissipate.
I updated Katie on my life recently, as she practically pulled me inside the restaurant, Leah trailing behind us. Before I followed Katie Inside I glanced back to Leah, and the look in her eyes told me our conversation was far from over. I felt a spark of hope ignite in my chest. It was like a small flame flickering in the darkness. Despite the uncertainty of what lay ahead there was a chance for us. And I vowed to myself I wouldn't let her slip away from me again.
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Heyy, sorry I've been MIA, I've been busy
I will do a part 2 if you want, just lmk xx
