Experiment of Madness

63-The Bitter Emptiness-Dag

My mind races, unable to find solace even in the late hours of the night. Insomnia has returned once more, its grip tight, this time not because of Aerra, but driven by the turmoil weighing on my heart. I lay there, staring at the ceiling, the dark silence making the emotions feel almost palpable

The door of my room opens softly, and Aerra enters, her figure illuminated slightly by the dim light outside.

With a tender presence, Aerra sits on my bed, accepting my embrace. Her slender frame feels warm against mine, and I hold her tightly.

I whisper softly. "I can't sleep..." I admit, my voice barely audible, heavy with the weight of exhaustion that yet doesn't claim my restless body.

Aerra's reply comes in a whisper, her words matching mine, a quiet understanding that resonates deeply. "Me neither," she murmurs, her words filled with empathy, her body close to mine in the comfort of this shared moment.

Aerra's voice is gentle yet firm, her words a suggestion, an understanding wisdom. "It will be better if you cry,let it out.." she says, her words a soft invitation to release the emotions pent-up inside.
"I can't...," I admit softly, my voice weak. There's an overwhelming sense of grief, a feeling that the pain runs too deep to even cry, the weight of it numbing my emotions.

The words linger in the air, my voice trembling as I admit my deepest wish, my desires taking hold. "I... want to see... my sister..." My longing feels almost painful, the void of her absence too intense to bear.

I miss being able to hear her voice, to see her smile, to receive her encouragement, and to confide in her about all the things that now haunt my mind.

Aerra's response comes softly, her understanding clear. "I know...," she whispers, her voice carrying a sadness that mirrors my own.

Aerra's words break through the quiet, her offer both tempting and reassuring. "Do you want to go and see her?" she asks. Without hesitation, her suggestion follows, "Let's go now."

The idea of seeing my sister again is tempting, the thought of being closer to her, even if it's just her grave, a bittersweet comfort in the darkness of this moment.

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I stand there, my eyes fixed on my sister's grave, the rain softly landing around me, the droplets a reflection of my tear-filled eyes. The coolness of the rain is somewhat soothing, the umbrella that Aerra holds protecting me from the downpour.

The words fall softly, "It hurts...," my voice trembling with emotion, my words barely audible, the weight of the sadness hanging in the air.

Aera's presence beside me feels like a pillar of support, her steady presence a lifeline in this moment of deep longing.

"Why would that happen? Why would you leave us..."

"I'm so sorry... I wasn't a good brother to you... I didn't show you how much I really loved you... I'm so sorry," my voice breaks, the weight of my regret heavy upon my shoulders.

My voice continues, the words pouring out, a mix of sadness, regret, and deep love. "I was selfish... I took your love for granted... I didn't acknowledge your efforts for me... I should have been there more for you... I should have listened more... I should have been more open with you... I missed out on so much... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."

The words spill out in anguish, my emotions overflowing, as I plead, "Please come back! Please come back! Please!" I fall to my knees, my voice filled with desperation, the downpour of rain a fitting backdrop for the grief that surges within.

Aerra holds me tightly, her embrace a lifeline, her presence a comforting force as I'm down.  I'm not sure if it's the rain or tears clouding my vision, the grief heavy and consuming, the rain like a mirror for the tears that stream down my face, blurring my view.