Run Away ✧ Hogwarts Legacy

chapter three

Said & Done by BAD OMENS

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There was a lot of salt in the air by the docks which had always made him feel at home before, now it brought the unfortunate sense of homesickness for the fond memories of childhood that couldn't be relived. The first few months away had been less than ideal. He thought that being by the ocean would bring him some of the comforts that he had grown to miss. A chance to reconnect with himself although now it felt like he was a stranger even to himself.

Specific moments had been too difficult to think about because they hurt his soul. It wasn't the absence of memories that he had gone to miss, but rather smaller moments that seemed to slip through his fingertips. 

The first sip of a cup of coffee in the morning, so hot that it burns his tongue.

The sounds of laughter echoing off the castle's wall. 

Even the stark smell of the wind after flying in the rain. 

And mostly, it was warmth. He missed the gentle comfort and touch of having a hand to hold in his own when the world became overwhelming. 

After leaving Hogwarts there were few opinions that made sense in that hurry decision and the only thing that would reduce the burden that was heavy on his shoulders was to disappear for some time, wait to be forgotten, and then attempt to adjust to the new reality of his life.

Desmond Esper had attempted to do just that. He left fully aware of the consequences of what had happened, but he also knew that it would be worse for everyone if he stayed. It was a choice of survival. 

Rather than stay and try to explain what had happened from the destruction of the Respiratory, he figured it was the best for everyone to leave. There was a lot that he hadn't understood about Ancient Magic before and even less that he understood about himself. That day it felt like the person he thought he was had died and now he was attempting to get to know the person who was walking in his own shoes.

He didn't feel as if he was good enough. The dreadful sense that he was unworthy of being loved followed this new person with each step. He struggled to decide whether he was ashamed of what had gone wrong in the past or if he was afraid of what it meant for the future.

There was a loneliness that he hadn't been prepared for. There was no promise of sharing a cup of coffee at the table with others. Nor was there much laughter that had rang in his ears like a song. The wind still carried the smell of rain, but now he flew alone. 

Worst of all, there hadn't been anyone to hold onto. His hands were growing cold from the loneliness. 

When Desmond stepped off the boat and onto the London docks after months at sea, he felt a little better being on solid ground after such a long period away. For months he wandered until there was simply nothing else that he could do. He could only outrun everyone for so long. It was a lack of money and direction that caused him to take a job as a deckhand on the Pilar, a fishing boat that had spent the past couple of months traveling the oceans of the North and selling cargo in different European ports. 

Magic was difficult to trace over water making it an ideal method to disappear completely. Although it hadn't been the only method of disappearing in plain sight that Desmond Esper had come up with. 

It was months of feeling abnormally inhuman, consistently feeling ill and suffering from motion sickness, but nothing compared to the loneliness. The small crew was close and he was the stranger among them. Unless he was needed, he didn't spend much time with the others. It never felt safe to get others involved in his flight. Choosing not to speak when he accepted the contract and kept to himself for the journey. He didn't want to leave any impression. It was a shit job, but the pay at the end had helped make up for some of it.