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열

"I'm so impressed felix!"
jisung said, looking at Felix fixing the painting.
"your hand is so calm! how is that possible? my hand would be shaking so much!"

felix chuckled.
"well, a lot of practice I guess."
he said, without looking at jisung.

"still, it's so cool! I'm so sad that I didn't study repairing art. I could have been this good as well."
jisung pouted.

"well, it's never too late to start."
felix shrugged.
"if you want, you can go study it, or maybe take some classes I guess."

"wait, you really think that I can do this too?"
jisung asked.

"if you really wanted."
felix nodded.
"but you would really need to be passionate about it. it was really hard to study repairing art. if you're not passionate about it, I don't think you're going to last."

"damn."
jisung sighed.
"that's a shame. I would definitely not last. I can't stay doing one thing for so long."

"how long have you been working in the storage?"
felix asked.

"ever since it opened. it's been a while."
jisung chuckled.
"but I like this job, and I'm not planning on leaving soon. besides, the cute delivery guy still isn't mine."

felix smiled.
"I think he's gonna be soon."

"damn I hope so."
jisung sighed.
"do you think that maybe he...thinks about me sometimes? like I do?"

"without a doubt."
felix smiled, patting jisungs back.
"but you have to stop being so shy around him."

jisung whined.
"I can't help it, okay?"

"it's gonna be okay, don't worry too much. I can see the way he looks at you, and there is just something in his eyes."
felix said.

"I hope you're right."
jisung got up.
"he's gonna come tomorrow. do you think you
can...maybe help me?"

"with what exactly?"

"I don't know, just..."
jisung sighed.
"I want him to think of me as someone he could possibly become...something more with."

"I can't help you with that. you have to do that yourself. and I know you're gonna do a good job."
felix gave him a small smile.

•~•

hyunjin was sitting on the couch, glass filled with wine in his hand.
it was two am, but he wasn't able to sleep.
he just had a lot of things on his mind.

in his other hand, laid a piece of paper.
and not just any paper.
a letter.

dear hyunjin, we have been together for two, very happy and beautiful years. one of the best years of my life. but nothing good lasts forever. I'm leaving Korea. forever. I won't be back, and I mean never. don't look for me, just forget that I exist and live your life to the fullest. by the time you're reading this, I'm probably already on the airplane. I'm breaking up with you. the key is under the doormat, I wanted to lock the door to make sure it's safe. be happy, hyunjin, live a good life.
felix.

hyunjin stared at the harsh words written on a piece of paper, many things on his mind.

in those three years, he wasn't able to throw the letter away.
and he wanted to.
he couldn't even count how many times he stood in front of the sink, a lighter in his hand.
but he was never able to actually destroy the letter.

taking a sip out of his glass, he read the letter again and again.

"be happy hyunjin, live a good life."
hyunjin whispered to himself.
"what am I even doing here?"
he sighed, tilting his head and closing his eyes.

it's been three years.
why wasn't he able to move on already?
why did he keep this letter?
why wasn't he able to destroy it already.
it's still just a piece of paper, getting rid of it shouldn't be this hard.
but it was.
very.

hyunjin got up and walked into the kitchen, standing in front of a trash bin.

for a while, he didn't do anything.
he just stared at the opened trash bin, thinking.

was he really about to do this?
get rid of the only thing Felix left behind all those years ago?
the only memory he had?

shit, maybe that's why it was so hard for him to destroy it.
because he just wasn't able to move on.

hyunjin closed his eyes, his head falling down.
gosh, he was so weak.
he couldn't even do this simple thing?
throw away a piece of paper?
how pathetic he was right now?

"I'm not strong enough for this."
hyunjin whispered to himself.

"you don't know anything. I had a fucking important reason why I did what I did. I would do it all over again if I had to. It wasn't an easy decision, but I did what was best for me, and you. so stop bringing it up, because by doing that, you're hurting both of us."

that's it.
hyunjin couldn't move on, because he didn't know anything.
he didn't know why felix did what he did.
he didn't know why felix left.
left him.

he didn't have the closure he oh so craved for.
the closure he needed so badly.

that's why he wasn't able to get rid of this piece of paper.
that's why it was so hard.

hyunjin looked at the letter again.
he kept it for all those years.
maybe he thought felix would come back to him.

and now...after so many tears and sleepless nights, felix was here.
by his side.
in his house.

but he would never get the closure.
felix wouldn't provide it, because he didn't want to talk about it.
it didn't matter how much he would beg, it didn't matter how much he would cry, felix will never answer his questions.

so...holding onto something that will never be answered...is useless.

hyunjin stared at the letter, before ripping it in half. and again...and again...and again...until the letter was in small pieces.
and then, hyunjin threw everything, every single piece in the trash bin and walked away.

never once looking back.