ＳＴＲＡＮＧＥＲＳ

스물셋

hyunjin's eyes felt heavy.
but right as he was about to fall asleep, he heard the front door open.

shooting up from his seat, hyunjin practically ran into the hallway, his eyes wide when he saw the boy be has been worried about standing there, soaked from the rain outside, looking tired.

hyunjin immediately pulled felix in for a hug, letting out a relieved sigh when he finally had him in his arms.
"you dumbass, where were you?!"

felix didn't say anything.
he didn't even hug hyunjin back.

"do you know how worried I was?"
hyunjin pulled away from the hug, his hands on Felix's shoulders.
"what happened?"

felix looked down, unable to look hyunjin in the eyes.
"I..."

"why did you disappear again?"
hyunjin whispered, the hurt evident in his voice.

closing his eyes, felix started walking inside, hyunjin right behind him.

"oh you don't just disappear for three days and then come here and act like everything is normal."
hyunjin said, grabbing Felix's arm.
"why did you leave? what did I do this time that you decided to do the same thing you did three years ago?!"

"I had cancer hyunjin!"
felix exploded.
"that's why I fucking left three years ago!"

hyunjin stopped in his tracks, his eyes growing wide.
"w-what?"

felix sighed, hanging his head low.
"a month before I left to Australia, I went to see a doctor because of the terrible headaches i was having. they told me that I had a tumor. fortunately, they gave me a high percentage for survival, even tho they discovered it a bit later."

hyunjin was speechless.
"why...why didn't you tell me?"

"because we were just a two collage students hyunjin."
felix said, looking up.
"you were studying and trying to achieve your dreams while working to earn money. you were coming home exhausted every day. I know that if I told you about the cancer, you would have dropped everything to take care of me. you would give up your dreams for me, and I didn't want that."

hyunjin let go of Felix's arm.
"that's why you..."

"yes. I hoped that if I broke up with you in a harsh way, you would start hating me and move on quickly. I was hoping you would find someone else, someone you would be happy with."
felix whispered.
"but you didn't."

"I could never hate you felix."
hyunjin buried his head in his hands.
"fuck, you were fighting with cancer the entire time and I didn't even know?"

felix stayed silent.
he had nothing to say.

"what...what did you do in Australia the entire time?"
hyunjin asked.
"be honest now, please."

felix closed his eyes.
"I spend a lot of time in the hospital where I was getting treated. I studied online collage from the hospital, and after I was cancer free, I started my new job at the company I am under now."
he said.

hyunjin sighed, closing his eyes.
"oh my god, you should have told me."

"if I did hyunjin, you would never have the beautiful gallery that you have now."
felix said.
"I did it for your own good."

"but you were all alone-"
hyunjin tried to say, but was cut off by felix.

"I wasn't alone. I had my mom, and my dad, my sisters, and my friends...I was everything but alone."
felix said.
"even if I had the opportunity to go back and change my decision, I wouldn't do it. I became a well respected art repairer and you have your beautiful gallery. we both got what we wanted."

"but I lost you."
hyunjin said.
"I fucking lost you."

felix didn't say anything.
he just looked down, unable to keep the eye contact.
"but you got what you always wanted."

now it was hyunjin's turn to be silent.

"look, let's just...forget about this. let's act like we did few days ago. I will have the painting repaired in a month or two anyway, and when I will be done, I will leave to Australia again."
felix said.

"fuck no."
hyunjin shook his head.
"I just found out that you left because you wanted what's best for me. do you know how hard it was living for those three years, not knowing why the love of my life left? if I did something wrong, or if you just wanted a new start? I always wondered what you were doing, or how you were doing, if you were safe and okay...I can't just move past this."
he said.

felix sighed.
"hyunjin-"

"let me make this right."
hyunjin said.
"I wasn't treating you the nicest way before you disappeared few days ago, and I want to apologize for it. I also want to apologize for not being by your side when you needed me."

"you couldn't be by my side because you didn't even know about the cancer hyunjin."
felix said.
"don't apologize for that."

"still, let me make it up to you."
hyunjin gently took Felix's hands.
"how about I took you out on a date? tomorrow after the gallery closes."

"b-but-"
felix didn't know what to say.

"don't think about it. just say yes."
hyunjin whispered.
"if you don't want to call it a date, sure, we don't have to. it can be just a dinner between
two...friends."

"...okay."
felix nodded slowly.

hyunjin smiled.
"thank you."
he said.
"I want to take you out for a dinner. you pick the place, and I will pay, okay? pick anywhere you want. some healthy restaurant with salads, or if you want to go into some Italian restaurant, because I know how much you like pasta..."

felix chuckled quietly.
"okay, okay. I will look into it tomorrow and pick some place."

hyunjin breathed out a sigh of relief.
"I'm sorry, it's just...I need to process everything."

felix gave him a small smile.
"yeah, i understand that."

"oh my god, you're actually back."
hyunjin whispered.
"where have you been those three days?"

"hmm, nowhere. I just stayed outside and I thought a lot about everything."
felix said.
"I slept over at some cheap hotel nearby."

hyunjin sighed, before gently pulling felix in for a hug.
"I'm so glad you're okay."

felix pressed his lips into a thin line, but this time, he hugged hyunjin back.

A/N:
aghh, it's finally out.
what do you think about Felix's decision? would you do the same, or would you act differently in his situation?