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열여섯

it has been three days since hyunjin and felix shared a night.
it has been three days since hyunjin and felix spoke to each other.

hyunjin was laying in his bed, his eyes closed, yet absolutely unable to fall asleep. he tried, very hard, but apparently he wouldn't fall asleep today. with a sigh, he checked the time, seeing it was around midnight.

getting up from his bed, he made his way downstairs, immediately walking into his atelier, smiling slightly when he saw the unfinished painting he started around two weeks ago, but wasn't able to finish yet.

since he couldn't fall asleep, he decided that he's going to work on it. even if it would be just for a while, he needed a distraction, something that would put his mind at ease, and he would finally be able to fall asleep.

the brush was moving on the canvas, and time passed. it came to a point where hyunjin didn't even know what time it was. now when he thought about it, he was super thirsty.

putting the palette and brush down, he checked the time, a little surprised to see it was already two am.

"damn, I spend a minute here."
hyunjin whispered to himself, before walking out of the atelier.

he was about to go and get something to drink, when he stopped in his tracks when his eyes met with felix's, who was standing in the kitchen, holding a glass with water.

for a while, they kept the eye contact, before hyunjin sighed, slowly walking closer to the kitchen.
"you can't sleep either?"

felix looked down, shaking his head.
"no."

hyunjin hummed, going to the kitchen counter and taking a glass from the cabinet above him, filling it with water and drinking it all in one go, while felix just stood in the same place, not moving an inch.

hyunjin sighed, filling his glass up again, before gently taking felix's wrist and lead him towards the table, sitting down.

"what are you doing?"
felix asked, standing next to the table.

"sit down."
hyunjin said.
"we need to talk."

felix sighed, closing his eyes for a few moments, before he slowly sat down on the opposite side of hyunjin.

for a while, neither of them said anything, both of them trying to avoid the gaze of the other.
until hyunjin just couldn't take it.

"I know that what happened was something that happened because we were both drunk as fuck. but tell me...do you regret it?"
hyunjin asked.

"how could I not hyunjin?"
felix said, finally feeling strong enough to look at hyunjin.
"we were both drunk. neither of us knew what we were doing. we said things that we didn't mean-"

"felix, even tho I was drunk, everything I said was true."
hyunjin said.
"every single word that left my mouth."

felix's eyes widened slightly, before sighing and looking down.
"I told you three years ago to forget about me. I told you to find someone, and to live a happy life. why didn't you do that?"

"because whether you like it or not felix, I'm in love with you. you can't just throw it away."

"but it's been three years. and I did something really terrible."
felix said, looking at hyunjin again.

"I told you this that night. no matter how much you hurt me, I can't hate you. we spend so many years together, growing as a people, exploring everything together. we were literally fuck buddies for years before we started dating. I know you practically my entire life. I will always have your name associated with the love and the joy."
hyunjin said, never once hesitating.
"that practically answered that I, in fact, don't regret what happened between us. I understand that you do, but even if you probably don't want to, it did happen. we can't change the past, but we can change the future. so tell me, what would you want to do?"

"what do you mean by that?"
felix asked.

"what do you want to happen now?"
hyunjin specified.

"I...I want things to go back how they were before it happened. not exactly friends, but being good with each other enough so our living situation is comfortable for the both of us."
felix said.
"I know we can't change what happened, but I would like if we never spoke about it again. it was a drunken accident, something that happened when both of us weren't ourselves, and weren't thinking straight. that's what I want."

hyunjin leaned against his chair, letting out a small sigh.
"I can act how we acted before this happened, and I can never talk about it again, but one thing that I can't do is to call it a mistake. it was a drunken incident, sure, but for me, it wasn't a mistake."

felix looked down, closing his eyes.
"hyunjin-"

"that's the only thing I want from you. even if you might think it was a mistake, don't call it like that, for my sake. I'm doing two things you want, so you can do one thing for me."
hyunjin said.

for a while, the two of them just stared at each other, before felix nodded slowly.

"fine, I won't call it a mistake."
felix said.

"thank you."
hyunjin gave him a small sad smile, before getting up.
"well, I'm glad we resorted this. now if you'll excuse me I'm going to bed. the painting must have tired me out, and I think I'll finally be able to fall asleep."
he chuckled, gently patting Felix's shoulder.
"good night felix."

"good night."
felix returned the small smile, and hyunjin walked upstairs, leaving felix behind.

felix was staring at the glass filled with water sitting on the table.
could things really return to how they were?
it definitely can't be that easy.

with a sigh, he gulped the water down, putting the glass in the sink, before walking upstairs, throwing himself on his bed and falling asleep almost instantly.