I stood there staring as if everything was a blur. I couldn't hear, couldn't speak. All I felt was the agonising pain pulsing through me. The pain of losing him. I couldn't lose him. He meant everything to me. Without him, my life was meaningless. I needed him to survive. I needed him to breathe. He needed to stop and think. Think what this would do to him, what it would do to me. Everything we'd been through, he'd been there for me so many times. I wasn't willing to let him give up. Not yet, not while there was still hope left.
"Justin please!!!!" I pleaded, reaching out for him.
"Get off!" He shouted, taking a swig of the beer he was drinking.
He wasn't coherent, it was the alcohol. He was letting the alcohol talk for him. He had never been this way before. At least not with me. He never raises his voice at me. Never.
"Justin... you're drunk. I think you need to calm down." I spoke to him softly.
"Calm down?! Calm down??!! You left me Lilly! I had no idea where you were! You took off for 3 weeks without breathing a word to me!!" He shouted, advancing forward.
I staggered back in shock. He was drunk. This was the only explanation I could come up with. I wasn't willing to come up with another explanation. I wasn't about to give up on him yet.
"I didn't think you'd worry about me! I thought it was enough that you had to worry about your mom! I didn't wanna add myself to the number of things you had to worry about!" I said in a shaky voice.
"I don't want to hear your pathetic excuses!" He shouted at me, taking yet another drink of his beer.
I watched him, horrified. I didn't know this side of him. I'd only known one side of him. The side that would never raise his voice at me. The side of him that loved me. The side of him that cared for others, especially me. He always helped me through the pain.
"Justin... Please just calm down." I pleaded.
"No! Have you not realised by now that I don't want you anymore?!" He said, advancing on me even further.
I felt a pang in my chest. His words hurt; they cut me deeper than anything has before. I didn't know this kind of pain, it was new to me. I'd never thought that I'd ever be in this position. The one to get heartbroken. It was unbearable.
"Y-you don't want me?" I whispered.
"No! I hate you Lilly!" He shouted in my face, his voice rising even louder.
I was shaking. A lump forming in my throat as his words sunk in. I thought the tears would spill over any minute now, but I forced them to stay away, at least until I was safe in my room.
I looked up at him as the tears betrayed me and descended down my cheeks. His face was cold as ice. It showed no emotion, there wasn't a look in his eyes that told me this was all just an act.
He took another swig of his beer before throwing it to the ground. It shattered when it came face to face with the pavement. He stepped closer to me, stumbling slightly and pushed me down on the ground with as much force as he could muster.
"Justin!" I cried out as my butt hit the pavement.
"You're so weak." he said, irritation in his voice.
I felt the tears come harder. I stood up on shaky knees and stumbled towards him, pleading with him to listen. Pleading with him to just listen to me.
He didn't know what he was doing, he was drunk.
I threw myself at him trying to make him hear me, trying to break through to whatever was controlling him.
"Get away from me!" He shouted and shoved me to the ground again, only this time he shoved me harder.
I lost my balance and landed on my back, I felt the pain instantly shoot up my back, searing my whole body with unbearable pain. I tried to shake it off, enough to where I could stand up and go home. But when I stood up I saw lights to the left blinding me from seeing the unwinding road ahead of me. I frowned and ignored the pain in my back and looked. That's when everything froze in place.
I stood there, my whole body frozen, I couldn't move, couldn't force my legs to carry me out of the way before the car hit me.
I felt the impact of the car and I felt myself falling, the pain increasing by seconds. Only getting worse with each passing second.
I felt as if the life had been drained out of me. Nothing was possible at this point. I felt the pain growing worse. I wanted it to stop; I didn't want it to be there anymore. I couldn't stand it.
I tried to cry out for someone, anyone, but no words escaped my lips. It was as if they were frozen and I couldn't force them to move. I didn't want the pain to be there anymore. I wanted it to go away.
I knew I had to allow myself one last glance at him before I lost consciousness. I slowly averted my eyes to his face and stared at him. It hurt, everything in my entire body felt as if it was on fire. But somehow looking at his face made it better. No matter how much the pain seared on. I didn't care that he pushed me, I didn't care that he said he didn't want me. I loved him. No matter what.
He took a step back, his eyes wide with fear, like he had just realised what he had done. It was as if Justin was coming back to life, the monster that had been there before, leaving him.
The pain pulsed through my body again, and I felt my eyelids growing heavy, I felt myself slipping. I fought to stay awake but I couldn't fight it anymore.
I closed my eyes and took one last long breath and then everything went black.
