My Boyfriend's Dad

A Warning

Gabby POV:

The world always tells you when you're wrong and sends you a warning, but as a fool, you never look it out because you thought you had everything under control. That's what I thought too, after that forbidden kiss me and Edward had last week, I couldn't contain myself anymore. It felt like that kiss unleashed a whole new level of intimacy in me and that all I can feel is him being near me.

Why am I like this, why am I messing around with him knowing that if we ever get caught, it will all be on me again? I see the way his friends looked at me last night when he left as if I were some sort of disgust, why can't I do nothing right towards people who treat me right? Hector doesn't deserve any of that betrayal, but I still crave this affection like a starving child.

I couldn't look at Hector after this and I could see that everything is troubling him, I don't want to make him feel like something is wrong when I am on the wrong path, that is not right, so I postpone our wedding ideas, I tell him all about the stress it is putting on us, and he understands with Edward's words, I guess he stops overthinking things, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders,  because I know the guilt will be ten times greater if I let him continue with the marriage ideas with his father on my mind, I feel unclean but also very excited, knowing you have two people on your side, even if it is for the wrong reasons, I crave it every single night. I know I'll have to make a decision one day, but I don't want to think about it too much; I just want to go through it and see where it takes me; maybe it'll help me grow up, maybe it'll wreck me, I don't know, and I certainly don't care.

My father always told me that greedy people always lose, and when they do, regret and anger are all they have left within them. He always told me to learn to appreciate what I have before it's too late, but it seems like whatever I do when it comes down to the right decisions, I always become the villain in every aspect, and somehow as a sick individual, I crave it too much, I could have said it's a daddy issue that makes me like that, but I never have that at all, my dad cherishes me wholeheartedly, so I don't know why I am like this, I feel guilty knowing that this is my second time around this situation and again I choose to make the wrong choice over and over again, he has been ignoring me since his talk with his best friend, I guess that is my warning to stay away from him, but as a fool, I still look forward to seeing him again, he makes me feel guilty, and I guess I deserve it because, as his friends said, I am not worth it, As I stand here, I understand that I am not, and I suppose the universe as agrees.

When I first met Hector, I thought he would have been my savior, because for the first time in my life, I finally met someone who truly cared about me, but now I am starting to question whether or not he is my savior or I am his ruining, because if this is my future, why does my past never stop chasing me, why do I always stumble upon someone who is always there to ruin my chances of being loved or happy, and why am I allowing him to continue his actions knowing full well that I will be held responsible? Hector may forgive him, but it will be me who suffers, and don't get me started on Sebastian; he will eventually kill me.

And still knowing the odds are all against me, I still crave Edward's more deeply than I ever imagined, I want him to see how much this situation is affecting me, affecting us, I want him to see how much my desire for him is affecting me more than anything else in my life, I barely know that man but yet he hold a certain level of control over me, I don't know how to handle it all, but one thing I know I just want him to decide and give in to me like I know he deserves, I see the power I wielded over him, and all I want him to know is that he is not alone; we can figure it out together, and in this situation, we need each other's opinions to keep our relationship balanced, in the same manner that he will not stop, I know deep down that I will draw myself back to him again and again because I desire his touch like a cure-all for my lunacy.

A warning is all that I needed to stop it all, but it seems like it makes me want him even more, I don't know if it's because he's forbidden or because we're in the same place, I don't want to act on it yet, but just as the universe is talking to me right now, I guess I should answer it back, me and Hector will need to work together, especially me when I get back home, because a desire as dangerous as Edward's is going to make me feel insane because I know that the way I fucking crave that man, he will wreck me, which is not anything to be proud of.

And don't forget my boyfriend crazy best friends, Sebastian never likes me and I know if words get to him, I won't need to be worried about Hector finding out, it will be on how he will make me meet my end, because Sebastian doesn't speak but his eyes speak enough for me to understand that what he meant he truly meant it, so I need to careful around him, and start to think before I overdo anything else when I get back home, plus with so much traffic and my job, Edward's fantasy will be all forgotten, I certainly hope so, because Sebastian will surely assist me by making me forget him with a memory lost.

So I hope when I get home my head is straight in out; it is just a kiss, nothing more, even though I masturbate through it more than I should; it is just a stupid fucking kiss; being with Hector is far more important than being with his father because I know a forbidden relationship between two wrongdoers never lasts a lifetime, so I know now I should be able to be happy with what I have, even if it hurts the way it does; it is the right thing to do.

I don't want to make it seem like Hector is my second choice, but at the moment I feel like he is, and for some reason I feel stupid for even thinking about it like that, knowing that man has loved me more than I truly deserve. I guess you never know what you have until it's too late to get it back, but what's worse is knowing you're not even getting nothing but pain and suffering when everything comes crashing down on you. I know every aspect, but yet I still crave that destruction more than I can fucking imagine; why am I like this seriously?

Is it the danger that excited me, or is it my suicidal tendencies? At the end of this game of cat and mouse, we will both die with poison in our systems, which is a warning to us both, but our desire will blind us to it.

I don't know where we stand, but I do know that we are sinking and that no one is there to save us. We are surrounded by sharks, and I know that we will be burned; no dirty deed goes unpunished, I promise you. However, as long as I can have a taste, I suppose it's all worth it. This serves as a warning to all of us: never be greedy the first time; you won't learn the second time.