My Boyfriend's Dad

A Desire

EDWARD POV:

Have you ever desired something that you shouldn't, but deep down inside your heart you know that you can't do anything about it? That is me right now, I am on a very conflicted emotions, I don't want to lose my son, he is my everything, my peace in my tormenting life, I know who I am, I know how complicated of a man that I am, and he is the only one that ever loves me the way that I am, everyone abandons me when I show my true self, only he stands by me, even at a young age, he never let me down, why now, why do I have my eyes on someone that I know he cherishes deeply, someone that I know might cause me pain, I can't let my desires get to me, because without him, I am nothing, I know that I can live without her when she leaves, but when Hector walks away from me, will I ever be able to have my little boy back, why now, why me, why her, why the girl that I slept with, she might not remember, but I did, I know that her feelings for me are not a source of contention, but rather a reminder of our former togetherness. I bury her deep in my mind and leave her there, questioning why she is my boy's genuine love, the one who makes my dick work harder than any other woman I've ever known.

And now I am stuck with so much pain and regret, regret of giving in when I know that young woman will play a role in my life, and now I can't even fathom how much pain I am going through right now, because I spent years looking for her, only to finally find her, but in a complicated situation, she doesn't remember me at all, which to me is good and suck at the same time, good because I could act like we both never knew each other's story and move on, and I could be the best father in law and move on from her, but it sucks when all I can think about is that petite woman who wielded power over me. What can I do in this situation? Can I just tell my son the truth and he be happy for me? Who am I bluffing? He wouldn't understand anything, and in his eyes, it would appear that I am persuading his woman, and I don't want that to happen at all.

Is there any way that I can move on from that nightmare, she is like a ghost that hunts me every now and then and I can't get her out of my head, she's a temptation, a prey that seeks me every day and night, my body shook at her stare, she looks at me like I am a desert, and I can't lie, if there is a chance to get a glimpse of her, I wouldn't mind it at all, I dream of her being next to me to the point that it becomes an illusion, I take more cold showers than I can handle, and my body reacts strangely to her, as if I am pleading for more. What is this feeling? I hate myself for it, but she was mine first, and I can't take this moment away from us.

A run is all that I needed this morning to get the little vixen out of my head, but the way she was checking me out made me want to do that every morning just to let her know how much she affected my life, she is my favorite person, and yet she doesn't even know it, my heart goes out to her more than I can imagine, but she does not deserve it at all, because I always believed in destiny, and if she was mine, she wouldn't be my biggest enemy, but here I am right now, Suffering all alone, how come she didn't wait for me, how come she doesn't remember me? She promised me she would wait, but she didn't even bother to remember me anymore, always breaking promises over and over again, and now she has left me to bear that burden all alone. I don't want to be a dirty secret, but what choice has she given me?

What choice has the world ever given us, when you thought everything was going according to your plan, boom things went wrong, I don't want to hurt Hector, but what choice do I have, we both want each other, I can see it in her eyes since the moment she laid her eyes on me, we both know full well that we locked in for good, she is mine as well as I am, is it wrong to act toward our emotions, I can't bare the way she looks at me, I can't bear the thought of her sleeping with him, I can't deal with the way her moans echoes through my head, my heart can't handle it anymore, I feel like I'm losing my mind, and I can't even express my feelings to anyone, because who would even understand me anyway, I'll look like a fool, and my poor Hector, how will he deal with all this commotion between us, I don't want to lose him, but I don't want to let go of this desire, I want her to know how much I want her; maybe if we both get it out of our system, we'll be fine, but in this case, how much am I willing to give up to get a taste of that sweet vixen, because I know if I give in to this temptation, I'll lose more than I should, and I know I don't want to lose him more than I can handle by keeping her by my side; her value will never compare to my Hector; she's just a desire that I crave from time to time.