COMPLETED | Take Me Down The Rabbit Hole (BDSM | 18+)

LXIX

"You're glowing," Alan observed.
"I got to dom Thea," Aspen admitted, and then promptly hid his blushing cheeks behind his cup of tea.
"Ahhh," Alan exhaled loudly. "I love a good full-circle moment." He smiled at Aspen across the table. "I still remember mine; when I met Spencer." He took a bite of his cookie. "Would you like to hear the story?"
Yes, would Aspen like to hear how Spencer basically took away his only chance at being loved by Alan without even realizing it?
Love was a funny thing.
Jealousy, however, was even funnier.
And Aspen hadn't felt particularly jealous in a while.
He supposed that was what it meant and was like to grow up. People enter and leave your life and you grow with the challenges.
Was he upset that he'd never had a chance at being Alan's boyfriend?
Yes.
Was Spencer really to blame for that?
No.
Did he think he would have been happy being Alan's boyfriend? Happier than he was now?
Hard to say for sure, but probably not.
He returned Alan's smile across the table. "I'd love to."

So Alan launched into the kind of story that they might tell to introduce a contestant on the X Factor or America's Got Talent, a proper sob story that would generate empathy for the contestant through audiences at home and propel them into stardom.
The kind of story that would make you question how much of it was fabricated.
The only difference was that in regards to Spencer, it was very much real.

And at the end, all Aspen could say was "I'm sure Leo is proud of you."
Alan's chuckle sounded rough, as if he was fighting back tears.
"I wish I could have stayed with Leo," he admitted, "but it just wasn't meant to be." He gave Aspen a once-over. "I know you wish you could have been my boyfriend, and I'm sorry that I never gave you the chance to be that."
"If you had, we wouldn't be sitting here now," Aspen said. "Chances are we'd be kissing under the Eiffel Tower for our—" he lifted his fingers and counted, "Sixth or so anniversary of being married."
"Europe, huh?" Alan asked. Then: "Why didn't you stay in Rotterdam, then?"
Aspen pulled a face. "You can take the American out of America, but you can't take America out of the American. My relationship with Rotterdam was like my relationship with you," he paused and stared down at his mug. "Built on wishful thinking."
Alan exhaled sharply. "Well," he said, drawing out the vowel.
"It's fine," Aspen said quickly. "I'm not mad or upset or anything. Please don't think I am."
"If that's not what you are, then how ready do you think you are to leave this mentorship behind you?"
Oh.
"You think it's done?"
"Oh," Alan said with a chuckle. "I was on the phone with Thea earlier and they told me all about what happened between the two of you yesterday. We both agreed that as long as you'd like to stick around, we're happy to ... keep you."
"And Spencer?"
"He'd be marginally—" Alan held up his hand, pointer finger and thumb almost pinched together to illustrate the extent of the margin in question "less happy about it, I imagine. But you two make do, don't you?" He saw the expression on Aspen's face and reached across the table for Aspen's hand. "I know I fell into the house with the door," he added, gently. "But we think you are ready. We've taught you all we could, and I am still very much looking forward to opening Wonderland with you on the team as my legal advisor—"
Aspen gulped. "Thea and ... someone else ... have both offered me a spot on Aphrodite's roster as well. As a rigger."
Alan's eyes widened. "Really?!" he exclaimed. "That's wonderful! You should do it!"
"I'm a lawyer."
"My wonderful ex boyfriend has masterfully demonstrated to you why NDA's exist," Alan said drily. "Working for ... with ... the Silva's is a once in a lifetime opportunity.If I was you, I wouldn't pass it up." He pat Aspen's hand. "But of course you're free to do as you like."
"You wouldn't hate me for working for your ex boyfriend while also working for you?"
"No, of course not!" He sighed. "It sounds like I hate Leopold, doesn't it?"
"A bit," Aspen admitted sheepishly. "Sometimes."
Alan sighed. Cleared his throat. Sighed again.
"I don't. I am disappointed with how things ended, but that's it. Maybe it's easier to hold a grudge to protect myself." He pressed his lips into a thin line. "I know I said I didn't want to talk about what it was like to submit to him, but Leo waltzed into my life and then dismantled me in the matter of an afternoon, simply just by being present. One of the worst, the most humiliating things is to have someone in your life who cares for you when you've already decided that you don't want anyone to care, and I know this because when I met Spencer he was in the same position in life. We were like feral cats from the same litter." He chuckled. "Leo was like the street dog that has one eye missing and at least five dog years on you... And infinite wisdom to share."
"He's captivating," Aspen mumbled.
"Isn't he?!" Alan hesitated. "If only he wasn't such an ass," he added.
"You just said he cared for you."
"Yes, but he was an ass about it," Alan insisted. "The only person I know for a fact he cares about is Thea."
We had a hard childhood, and I think he became so obsessed with never being like our father that he ... My brother became an antihero in his own narrative. You know— Someone who has good intentions but goes about things entirely the wrong way.
"Having siblings is something else," Aspen nodded. "You can hate them one minute and love them to death the next."
He picked up his phone and peered at the screen. "I'm  supposed to be at Aphrodite in thirty minutes."
"You'd better come back with a contract that says the Silvas are employing you," Alan threatened jokingly. "Good talk, Aspen," he then added. "Whatever you decide to do... I love you."
"I love you, too."
Love was a funny thing.
Sometimes it could be platonic, and in those cases, it didn't hurt to hear or say the words.