COMPLETED | Take Me Down The Rabbit Hole (BDSM | 18+)

LXXII

Aspen looked across Thea's office desk at Josh — his first client — while he could feel Thea's eyes on him.
"I'm not sure," Thea said slowly, "that my employee or my business is the right place for this request."
If Aspen hadn't been through what he had, perhaps he would have agreed. Perhaps his heart wouldn't have stung a little at hearing Thea refer to him as their employee instead of their submissive — even though he wasn't that anymore — or their friend, even though this was a business situation, and he was their employee.
"Would you mind stepping outside for just a moment?" he said softly, to which Josh nodded and got up from his seat without having to be prompted to do so.
As soon as he was gone, Thea too stood and instead sat on their desk, legs dangling, to look at him.
"I stand by what I just said," they repeat.
"I know," Aspen says. "But I learned by submitting. He could."
"You are inexperienced—"
"I have an entire dungeon of professionals at the ready," Aspen cut them off. "Don't tell me you'd be too busy to answer my questions or discuss my concerns, and that the others, who've already been doing it since we met will be, too. That's a lie."
"You're one hundred percent sure you want to do this?"
"Do I look like I'm not?"
"No." A pause full of heavy silence before Thea reached for his hand, their thumbs rubbing circles into the back of it. "I'm just looking out for you," they said gently, but Aspen could hear some sort of choked-up-ness in their voice. "This is a big thing, him being your first client, and all."
Aspen blinked. "Thea."
"Hmh?"
They were avoiding locking eyes with him now, and it made Aspen want to chuckle, but he forced the sound down his throat and instead asked, "Are you crying?"
They choked out a horse laugh. "No."
Aspen licked his lips nervously, and then reached out to grasp Thea's chin.
"Liar," he said softly. "If this is such an emotional situation for you, you don't have to be and stay here for the rest of the negotiation."
He plucked a tissue from the box on the desk next to them, reached out again, and slowly dabbed their tears away.
"I'm fine," Thea said profusely and slid off the table, stalking across the room to the door and the mirror mounted to the back of said door.
Silence.
Aspen watched as Thea fixed their hair and re-applied lipstick.
Then—
"I don't usually care too much for my clients beyond what is agreed upon and expected of me," they said quietly, well aware that Josh was probably on the other side of the door, able to hear them. "But when it comes to you, I care a little bit too much."
They turned, gave Aspen a smile that looked — just a little — heartbroken and then they open the door and stalk out of the room, head held high.
As soon as they were gone, Josh walked back into the room, but he lingered by the door to Thea's office, obviously uncertain.
"If it's really not a good idea," he started, but Aspen held up a hand.
"We all start somewhere," he interrupts, "don't we?" He makes a sweeping gesture towards the chair that Josh had occupied to invite him to take a seat once again.
Josh bit his lip. "I love my fiance a lot," he said, worrying the skin of his lower lip with his teeth, "and I want to be able to do things for him that he enjoys."
"Getting into BDSM is a big commitment," Aspen noted, folding his hands over the trial period contract. "Even if it's for someone you are already committed to."
"I'm not cheating on Tony, if that's what you're—"
Aspen shrugged. "I'm not doing anything of the sort. If you discussed this with him and you are both comfortable with this situation as it is, I am happy to be of service."
Josh laughed. "Because I am paying you."
"I am providing a service," Aspen quipped back, drawing another laugh from Josh's mouth.
"And besides," Aspen continued, leaning back in his chair and raking a hand through his hair. "It is just like I said. We all start somewhere. It's just that Mistress Silva out there also needs to look out for her employees—"
Especially the inexperienced, wide-eyed ones. Like me.
Aspen didn't remember the last time he had used female pronouns to refer to Thea. It felt so wrong to do it like that that by now, he cringed every time he heard someone else use them in their presence.
And then he remembered that Thea had told him a secret. That he was one of two people who they trusted enough to be themselves around, and that even though the part of him that had become attached to Thea longed to see them respected and honored in a way that fit them, taking away their autonomy by telling people what pronouns to use was not the way to go about it.
"I understand that," Josh said. "If you agree with her I can ... try to take my business elsewhere."
"You can be taught through submission," Aspen finally said. "That's how I was taught."
"And that is—"
"The only service I can provide in the direction you are looking to go if I don't want to step on my employer's toes. And you understand that I really wouldn't want to do that."
Josh nodded again, and then a soft flush spread over his cheeks. "Is it— Were you and Mistress Thea—?"
"She was my mentor, yes."
My anchor. The axis upon which my world turned for so long.
Aspen couldn't — wouldn't — ever admit to himself how much his life had fallen apart since he was no longer in any sort of close relationship with Thea and Alan. But now that he had his first submissive as a professional, holding himself back from confronting his feelings was a very very bad idea.