COMPLETED | Take Me Down The Rabbit Hole (BDSM | 18+)

LXXVII

"And I think I wanted to be someone."

In Amsterdam, he was absolutely nobody, but the city welcomed him with open arms, and thanks to Noah — who had sworn secrecy this time — he had multiple contacts for professionals in his industry.
While he was boarding the plane, he had decided that if he missed submitting to someone, this was the opportunity to get his fix.
Something he also got his fix for was re-tracing all his footsteps from a few years ago. Amsterdam had changed, but so had he, and he found a peculiar joy in attending lectures held by teachers that he remembered — none of which remembered him, which was nice — and even going clubbing at all the same locations that he used to frequent.
"I was surprised to see Noah reaching out on your behalf," said the first professional on Aspen's list when Aspen met him for coffee at a café.
"It was a spur of the moment decision," Aspen said. "I keep changing my mind when it comes to what I actually want, and while I don't regret the decisions I have made when it comes to my position in the industry, I do miss submitting. It's just hard to do it in New York now that all the other trustworthy professionals are either my employees or my colleagues."
Aspen remembered that Thea had told him to network some months ago, and that he had refused, because he'd been scared. He regretted that thoroughly, now.
Bram — that was the man's name — laughed at that. "I'd like to have that kind of problem," he mused. "Noah spoke of you very highly."
"Noah and I are friends. It's a bit more of a friendship of convenience so far, but I appreciate their presence in my life."
Bram sat his coffee cup down. "Hm," he hummed.
"And why is it that you wanted to meet with me over the other people on your list?"
Aspen flushed. "I— You remind me of one of my mentors. I can't be with that man because he has a fiancé... now—" Aspen added that last word hastily, he wanted to avoid having Bram ask him what had happened between him and Alan.
Their history was too complicated to explain, and it was none of Bram's business anyway.
"But I miss the security that he gave me, anyway. I think I'm hoping to get some of that back."
"Would you like to tell me what kind of man your mentor is?"
Just like back when Thea had berated him for not being honest with Alan about his feelings, the use of present tense was like a slap to the face and for a moment, Aspen choked on thin air.
"We were- uh- friends," he started lamely. "Before he was my mentor. And I suppose now, in a way, we are business partners."
That made Bram look at him with even more attention. "Oh?"
Aspen nodded.
While he had been busy thinking about and asking Noah for a list of professionals in Amsterdam, Alan had texted him that Wonderland was set to open in two months, and that he was looking forward to showing Aspen around, to which Aspen had hastily replied that he was on the way to Europe.
All Alan had texted back was "I'm happy to hear that. Bring me back a souvenir. Chat when you get back," in his typical clipped manner.
"Alan is a sadist," Aspen started expanding slowly, "and he's not big on physical intimacy, but I really do love aftercare."
Bram's eyes sparkled knowingly over the rim of the coffee cup at those words. "And you?" he asked.
"I don't know if I would go as far as calling myself a masochist, but I don't mind a bit of pain." He paused. "I prefer being on the giving end when it comes to pain, technically, but I am looking for people to submit to while I'm here," he clarified, afraid that Bram would think he'd be unable to help him.
"I'll be here for the next six weeks, he added."
Bram put his coffee cup down on the table. "You sound like you're open to experiment, which is nice." A pause. "Are you planning on seeing anyone else while you're here?"
"I haven't decided," Aspen said. "I have more... coffee dates set up throughout the week, but you never know."
Bram nodded again and then pulled out a leather bound notebook— an odd sight to Aspen who hadn't seen anyone in his usual daily live use a pen and paper to plan things in years — from his bag under the table, flipped to a page and then consulted the calendar.
"I have an opening next week on Thursday, at 6:30 pm."
Expectantly, he looked up at Aspen, who felt heat rise to his cheeks before he pulled out his phone to consult his very digital calendar. "Sure," he said after an awkward pause. "That works for me."
He didn't know if he would ever get over the fact that his life consisted of scheduled sex — in some way or another — and that that was something he was okay with, because he had to be.
Bram nodded, once again and then reached into his jacket for a pen. Aspen watched him scribble his name into the empty slot.
"Please bring up to date test results and a list with hard and soft limits, if you have something like that," he said while he flipped to the back of his planner and pulled a business card out of a plastic sleeve in the back. He held out the card to Aspen. "My preferred honorific is Sir, and since you aren't inexperienced I expect you to uphold standard protocol when you get there."
"I can do all that," Aspen said, inclining his head as he reached for the card. "Thanks for meeting me on such a short notice."
A chortle escaped Bram's mouth. "Ha," he exhaled, before noticing the bewildered look on Aspen's face. "Excuse me," he said. "Noah called me this morning and said you'd be reaching out." He paused again. "They're my cousin."
Oh.