Cupid's Granddaughter

21 - Too Much Thought

Outside of Nate’s apartment was no better than the inside. My mind was still working in overdrive and all I could think was, ‘Oh shit’.

Finally, I cleared my head enough to hail Harry’s cab and get back to my house. I couldn’t go back to Brooke’s and with everything else going on, I decided that maybe I just needed to take a few days off and relax.

I didn’t speak a single word to Harry as he drove though he constantly asked me if I was alright. I found this to be a rhetorical question. My expression alone should have told him that I didn’t want to talk about it.

When Harry pulled up in front of my house, I practically jumped out of the car. I finally slowed down and remembered to breathe once I felt that I was safe inside my house. My mother had disappeared off to where ever so thankfully I didn’t have to deal with her. Psyche appeared as usual from the kitchen and looked at me with concerned eyes.

“Sweetheart,” she called rushing over and inspecting my face. “You are all red and flushed. What have you been doing?”

I didn’t answer her. I found that I couldn’t do anything but lock gazes with her as she turned my face from side to side.

“Perhaps you should lie down?” Psyche suggested. I nodded as I brushed past her not wanting to answer the questions I was sure would come later. I went into my plain room and jumped down on my bed but I didn’t feel the least bit tired.

I gazed up at the white ceiling and tried to sort my mind before Eros discovered I was home.

First, I had already dealt with the Brooke thing and though I was still depressed by any memory of her, I was more concerned about Nate. Nate had said that I could go and become friends with her again but was it really that easy? Maybe for some people but I had already become myself around her and what if she thought I was weird because I already know so much about her. Now our inside jokes will now be outside jokes. Now our memories together would be just one sided dreams.

I didn’t have to become friends with her again. As long as I was friends with Nate I could get updates on her relationship with Sean. That was one option and although it wasn’t very appealing, it was probably the one I would have to choose for now. Hopefully one day, I would be ready to try my relationship with her again.

And speaking of relationships, what about Nate and Lily? Just thinking about her made me groan out loud. I felt so guilty for kissing her boyfriend. And that kiss! What was that about? Sure Nate initiated it but I enjoyed it just as much as him which was completely wrong. Apparently this friendship between us had reached an unhealthy state if Nate was willing to make out with me without too much thought. Or maybe it was only a moment of weakness because of his fight with Lily and his insecurity about his wings?

I settled on that as the only explanation. What else would cause him to spontaneously kiss me like that? And like that too? His lips were so soft and even though I’ve been kissed before, it had never been like the way he did it. It was like he…cared; as if he actually cared about pleasing me rather than just using it for his own self gain, and had no other intention of doing anything else. It was nice. I ran my index finger over my lips and smiled to myself. I instantly frowned at where my thoughts had drifted too.

This was obviously way out of line and he had to know that. If Nate was meant to be my soul mate then Eros wouldn’t have assigned him to me. Eros told me when this job was forced upon me that I wasn’t allowed to fall in love on the job. Nate wouldn’t be my assignment if I was supposed to fall in love him.

With that realization, I sighed and shoved all my thoughts and feelings of the kiss and Nate out of my mind. Nate had Lily. I knew that I would never be able to be present in the same room with her again without feeling horrible; I would still do it because it was my job. I sat up on my bed and rubbed my eyes happy that I had all of that sorted out.