The adventures of Hanna Walker

tethered

Selena scares the hell out of Hanna and Hanna develops a devilish idea. She uses a pieces of rope that ties a dead knot to connect her right hand to Selena's left hand. And this is so that Selena cannot leaves her sight. So Hanna can only get out of bed when Selena gets out of bed, and when one of them takes shower, the other waits on the other side of the curtain. Selena didn't agree to this, but Hanna wore her down. Since Selena was so weak and exhausted, she cannot put up good resistance or arguments. Even though they are physically together, Hanna is still obsessed about Selena's safety. She often wakes up in a cold sweat screaming Selena's name, the repeating nightmare of her in the bathtub with a knife. And every sharp object is discarded away. And they have to order take out food because there's no knives to cook with. Because they are so close, Hanna can see everytime Selena cries for Benny. And Selena is ashamed and doesn't want Hanna to see so she says nothing to her, just sobs quietly. Hanna wants to hug her but ever since the night in the bathtub Selena doesn't want Hanna to touch her. One time Selena is having another one of her stomach cramps and Hanna wants to rub her tommy but Selena refuses, crawling up besides her and shouting for Hanna to go away, knowing she has nowhere to go. Hanna feels tortured watching Selena suffer, and can't figure out what she did wrong that Selena is so angry with her. Selena doesn't know either. She just doesn't want Hanna to touch her, but secretly she feels something for Hanna again. She's not sure it's love or sympathy in her tormented grief for Benny, but she rejects this feeling that makes her feel like a teenager. Everytime Selena cries, Hanna cries too, Hanna becomes a shell of human being. She watches everything Selena do and refuses to let her out of her sight. She is extremely anxious and worried that Selena is going to do something stupid again. And every time Selena coughs, she shivers with fear. She's utterly consumed by love and fear since she comes so close to losing her. One time, Selena pretends to choke on her noodles, and Hanna almost has a panic attack in trying to do the hemlic. And Selena had too laugh at how nervous and afraid Hanna was. That was quite a cruel joke and Hanna cried instead of laugh with Selena, and refuses to order noodles for the rest of the week. "When can I be free again?" Selena asks Hanna, since her mood is improving because how hilarious Hanna is. "Until I feel sane." Hanna says. "Forgets it, you're never sane." Selena says. "Yea, I will never feel safe again. Why did you do that?" Hanna asks, rubbing her head. "You need therapy." Selena says sincerely."no, I need to make sure you're alright." "Stupid." "I dont understand why you would die for that guy." "I love him." Hanna, feeling the familiar jab of jealousy, says"well he's dead." "I still love him. If possible, I love him more." Selena says stubbornly. Hanna bang her fists against the wall and instantly breaks her finger. Blood runs out. Selena was shocked and had to put bandage around  Hanna's hand. Selena says nothing, but this foolish behaviour made her feel loved again, and she can't help but feel it again. That day out of the ordinary Hanna didn't say a lot to her. Normally she's like a puppy around her saying all sorts of things and telling ridiculous stories to make her happy. But that day Hanna just sulks and stares at her hands. Selena feels a bit guilty and annoyed that she's not as pampered as she normally is. And she says to Hanna,"why are you so annoyed at me?" "I hate you." "Then why don't you cut off the rope?" "No, then ill be both miserable and afraid." Hanna admits defeat. "I wanna wear my favourite dress again." Selena says out of the blue. "Really? I'd love you to wear it. I'd love to see you in it again. You're so beautiful." Hanna smiles. Selena feels a warm fuzzy feeling and she gives Hanna a kiss on the cheek and put on her pink dress. Hanna frowns."why, you don't like it?" Selena asks. "Why does it matter if I like it or not, as long as your ghost husband loves it." "He's not here at the moment." Selena said. "Fine, I was just upset that you always put on your best dress for him. You look good. I was acting." "How dare you?" Selena suddenly breaks down into tears, "Benny can't see me in this dress anymore." Hanna holds Selena gently and tells her,"it's okay, it's okay, it's over now." And Selena cries until daylight peaks into the room that night, and Hanna is heart broken.
The next day, Selena tells Hanna,"I miss the steaks he cooks for me. Can you cook it for me?" Hanna's first instinct is to reject the offer because of the danger of the knife, but a competitive edge causes her to accepts it in the end. Hanna busies herself with Benny's recepie and keeps Selena as far away from the knife as possible. Selena is very obedient and stays away from it. When Selena finally tastes the steak, she cries because it is just the way Benny made it in the past. "Is it not good?" Hanna asks. "It's exactly the same as he did it. And it makes me so sad. Why you do this to me?" Selena asks in a fury, tears flowing. "No, I was just trying to make you happy. It was stupid of me." Hanna says, even though she's surprised at Selena's reaction and exasperated she can't get over him. "I dont want to eat anymore." So Hanna comforts Selena and convince her she will make a different version of beef for her and gets in the kitchen again. When it's done, Selena took a bite and sets down her fork. "How is it?" "I still don't want to eat." "Is it better than Benny's?" "Nothing is better than Benny's. " Selena lies and walks away. But her stomach growls. Hanne reaches for her hand, "Come on, eat something. Benny would not want to see you like this. It's just beef. Everyone needs food, even if it tastes terrible." Selena refuses, but Hanna coax her into the table finally, jokingly wave the food in front of her and says, beef is not gonna eat itself. Selena has lost so much weight since Benny died but she's finally starting to eat a bit more since Hanna starts cooking. Because Hanna is a half decent cook, even though she's never a professional like Benny.
In the night, they lay in the same bed. Hanna always wants to hold Selena, but Selena stays away from her. She tells Hanna, "Benny will hold me and tells me sweet nothings until I fall asleep." Hanna says, "I will do the same." Selena says,"no, it will be wrong." "No, just try me. I can say sweet nothings. " "nonesense it's not the same." "I love you." "Shut up." "I love you so much that my heart is tear into half." Hanna holds Selena in her arms and Selena cries softly. Hanna whispers in Selena's ear. "I know what Benny would say. You're the most precious thing in the world. You're the first thing on my mind when I wake up. You are the last thing I think about before I fall asleep. No one compares to you..." Selena closes her eyes and falls asleep. The next day she asks Hanna, " do you mean what you said to me yesterday?" "No they are just things Benny would say." "Really?" "Silly, of course I mean every word I say, I could never lie to you." Selena says ," funny, Benny says that too." "But don't you love me a little Selena?" Hanna asks. "I do love you, but as a friend. You're like my sister." "But I don't want to be just a sister." " too bad. A sister is what I need right now." Selena says. Hanna hugs Selena, " Then I will be ten sisters in one, how about that?" Selena kisses Hanna on the lips, and soon they breaks apart. And Selena says, "you're not though. And I don't know how I should feel about that." Hanna says, "let your heart heal. It deserves to know the truth." "What's the truth?" "What's lost can't be returned and...nobody can love you more than I do. " Hanna says. Selena says, "I'm ready to live again, I think you can cut the rope." Hanna says, "How can I believe you?" Selena says , "I can't do anything being tied to you. I want something else. I want to get to know this world without him." "Okay" Hanna takes out the scissors and cut the rope. They sit in silence for a while. Selena stands up to walk out of the room and Hanna tenses up, "where are you going?" "The bathroom. Please don't follow me." Selena says. She rushes into the bathroom and cries. But not for Benny, Selena knows that she has someone that she can trust with her life and for the first time for months, she feels alive.
Hanna sits in the room, fighting her anxiety about Selena's safety and hears her crying and stands outside the bathroom and listens. And when Selena gets out, Hanna hides back in the room and pretend nothing happens. Hanna asks her"now that the rope is cut, do you want to have your own bed?" Selena is getting used to sharing a bed, but she won't let her dependency show,"yes, and I hope you don't get too worried about me. I'll be alright." Selena goes back to her own room. Hanna waits outside the room until it's quite inside, and she figures Selena is asleep, then she quietly opens the door to check on Selena. She just loves to see her asleep, for no reason, she looks like an angel. Selena stirs in her sleep, and Hanna jumps, almost wanting to get out, but She is soundly asleep. And Hanna pulls a chair and falls asleep besides Selena. The next day, Selena wakes up to see Hanna drooling in an undignified position in a chair. "Hanna, I told you not to worry about me." Hanna opens her eyes and mumbles,"im not, there's a rat in my room." "Seriously, you scared me." Selena complains, her face red. "What, you thought I was so worried that I creeped on you at night?" "No, I thought I saw a ghost in my room." That day, Selena almost doesnt touch her breakfast. "Why don't you eat?" Hanna asks. "I have no appetite." "But you need to eat more. You are getting so skinny that I cant look at you." "Are you saying I'm ugly?" "No, you're always pretty. But you would be healthier if you eat." "Fine, I'll try." "Do you need me to feed you princess?" "No, I can managed. Btw you don't think I will believe there's a rat in your room?"  Hanna goes red in the face and says "there's no rat, but I promise I will not do it again." Selena sighs, "its okay, I kind of like company, maybe you can stay in my room for a few more nights. I get these scarry nightmares." "Okay. I will stay then." Hanna says, going even redder in the face. "What nightmares?" "Well, the usual, Benny getting killed." "Okay." Actually Selena was not getting any nightmares, but she wants Hanna in her room. Hanna chews her food absentmindedly, and says "you know, he doesn't deserve you to love him so much." Selena pushes her food away. Hanna immediately apologizes, "im sorry, I don't mean it. He's perfect, just except he's dead." Selena buries her head in her arms and lay in the table, pretending to cry. "No, I don't mean that, I mean you can still enjoy the world without him?" Hanna panicked. Selena abruptly straightened up and says"i need to go out." Hanna follows Selena outside the house and they goes to the park. Selena doesn't speak to Hanna at all the way and doesn't speak to her when they comes home. And when they reaches home, Selena asks Hanna, "why didn't you talk to me?" Hanna says, "I thought you were mad at me. So I didn't say anything, I was scared you're sick of me and want space." "Kiss me." Selena says. "Right now?" Hanna asks. "Shut up and kiss me." They kisses.
This situation continues for a few days, Hanna tries to talk to Selena, only to be met with no response, but sometimes they kisses. Then one stormy night, Selena broke down and says,"as embarrassing as it is, I think I'm in love with you." Hanna goes red in the face and says"why is it embarrassing?" "Because I don't want to be in love." "I understand, that's unfortunate. So I will go now." "Stop." Hanna giggles. "Stupid, you think I can leave you after what you pull off." Selena goes red in the face and admits,"yea, that was kinda stupid." "So are you over Benny now?" "No, but you can help me." Selena says. Actually, Selena is over Benny, but she kinda likes the attention, and she hates to admit she falls for her worshipper. "Trust me, you will forget about him. I guarantee." Hanna says. "Unless you cook that steak again." "I won't." "Sweet."
And they are more than friends now, but what Hanna didn't know is, Selena had been feeling this for longer than she suspected. And things is not all roses and flowers. Sometimes Selena screams and shouts I hate you, but Hanna can always compromise, or make up for it. Somehow, love is not an equation, but it doesn't matter to Hanna the imbalance, she just wants Selena to be safe and happy, and when she gets Selena's love, no matter how insignificant the signs, she is always grateful and love just multiplies.