never grow up, criminal minds

064. everything's shitty

tw: allusions to/attempted sa 

Clara is slouched on the couch and watching Elf, it, for whatever reason, sounding like the only thing she could sit through.

"No sneaking out to a party tonight?" Spencer asks as he walks in, carrying two plates of pizza.

"No." She mumbles. "No, no more parties. Everyone hates me."

"What?" Spencer frowns.

"Karen thinks I made out with her boyfriend... so now everybody thinks it." Clara says.

"But you didn't." Spencer says, Clara able to notice the hesitance in his eyes.

"Of course not!" She looks at him offense.

"O-of course not. No, I'm on  your side. I didn't think it." Spencer tries to quickly defend himself.

Clara sighs, turning back to the TV while she nibbles on her pizza. After a while, Spencer notices Clara starting to itch at her arm. His chest aches at the action, being reminded of how he used to always do that.

Reaching out, Spencer pulls her hand away from her arm. He intertwines their fingers, keeping his daughter's hand held in his, his thumb softly brushing over her knuckles.

"Isn't this, like, 50 gajillion germs?" Clara teasingly asks.

"Oh, you have no idea." Spencer nods. "But, uh, I've had your spit up shot right into my mouth. We crossed the fear of germ stage 15 years ago." Clara's lips quirk up in amusement, even though she tries to hide it. But Spencer notices, a small smile spreading on his face at the hint of happiness from her.

"So if I were to vomit on you now--"

"Don't you dare."

+++

Clara is asleep on the couch, Spencer in the corner of the room and playing chess by himself. He hears a small whine, looking over at his daughter. He notices how her face is scrunched up and she squirms around. She whines, starting to scratch at her arm.

Spencer instantly gets up and scurries over to her.

"Clary. Sweetheart, hey, hey." He gently pries her hand away from her elbow. Clara tightly grips onto his hand, Spencer wincing at her hold. "Honey, it's dad. You're safe. You're at home. There's nobody but you and me." He tries to coax her out of the nightmare. "I'm right here, baby. It's just dad. Come on, you can wake up." He brushes her sweaty hair back from her face. "Wake up, baby girl. You're safe, I promise."

Clara jolts as she wakes up. She quickly sits up, looking around.

"Hey, hey, hey." Spencer coos, resting his hand back on her head. "It's me. It's dad. You're home, safe." He assures, brushing over her hair. Clara slowly manages to get control of her breathing, calming down. "Are you okay?"

"I-I think so. Yeah." Clara mumbles, nodding.

"Okay." Spencer whispers, stroking her hair and knuckles, moving to sit next to her. "You want to talk about?"

"Just... I don't know. Not really." Clara mutters, rubbing her face.

"Okay. Okay, we don't have to talk about it. I'm not mad. I get it." Spencer assures, rubbing her back.

Spencer continues to sit with Clara until she manages to fall back asleep with her head on her father's lap.

+++

"Dad, you can go back to work. I-I'll be fine, really." Clara promises.

"You're not-- you've only been clean for a few weeks." Spencer says.