never grow up, criminal minds

056. baby steps

Spencer fixes his tie, loosening it a bit when he realizes it's too tight. He sighs, walking out of his room and down the hall to the bathroom. He peeks in, watching Penelope apply makeup to Clara, attempting to cover the dark bags under her eyes and bruises.

Spencer's heart sinks at the empty look in his daughter's eyes. He's sure Penelope's rambling simply goes through one ear and out the other.

Spencer weakly clears his throat, getting their attention.

"Hey. Uh, I'm ready when you are. We still have a little time so no need to rush." Spencer says.

Clara nods.

"Okay. We're almost done." Penelope says and Spencer nods. He leaves, going to the living room to wait.

Spencer is reading through a book, flipping the pages every few minutes, his pace slower than usual. He looks up when he hears Penelope's heels clicking on the floor, standing up when he sees Clara following the blonde out.

"You want something to eat before we go? I-I can warm up that macaroni and cheese." Spencer offers.

"No." Clara mumbles, shaking her head. "I just... I want to go." She says, hugging herself.

"Okay. Yeah." Spencer nods.

"I'll drive." Penelope says, grabbing her keys.

"Thanks." Spencer weakly smiles. "Okay, come on." He rests his hand on Clara's back, leading her out of the apartment.

+++

The father and daughter are sitting in the third row while the pastor talks. Clara's zoned out, staring at the four closed caskets up on the stage. The words sound muffled, everything blurring together for the girl. Spencer keeps his attention mostly on her while he wipes his own stray tears away now and again, trying to keep his composure.

The team take up the row behind them, mostly there to support the two, but also being very familiar with Ellie and to pay respects to Erin's family along with Luke and Josh's family.

Clara deeply inhales, her gaze flickering and going over to the four portraits set up. She holds her breath, feeling her eyes sting.

Spencer, noticing her change in demeanor, leans over.

"Breathe out." He whispers, Clara slowly following his order. A small whimper escapes, the girl obviously trying not to cry. "It's okay. It's okay. You can cry, baby." He assures, holding her hand. Clara shakes her head, sniffling, and trying to keep her composure.

~ ~ ~

Everybody is walking up and hugging the families and walking by the caskets for a final goodbye.

Clara walks up to Erin and Luke's moms, the two engulfing the girl into a tight hug. Clara pulls away after a few minutes, blinking her tears back.

"I-I'm so sorry." Clara says, her voice a broken whisper. "I tried. I-I tried to help them, to make sure we all got out. I--"

"Oh, honey, no, it's not your fault. It's not your fault." Luke's mom assures, pulling her back into a hug.

"You're not to blame for this, honey." Erin's mom promises. "We're glad you're safe." She says, giving Spencer a small smile. Despite their unimaginable pain, both mothers are thankful Spencer doesn't have to be by their side in the front row.

They make their way outside and Clara looks around, perking up slightly when she spots Izzy who spots her at the same time. Izzy dismisses herself from her family, running over to her remaining friend.