never grow up, criminal minds

069. first week home

Clara got discharged from the hospital a few days later, Penelope and Emily coming by to help them lug all the stuff the former had bought for her while she stayed -- stuffed animals, balloons, flowers, cards.

They get home, Penelope informing them that she ordered take out and that it should be here soon.

"We'll be right up, we're just gonna get the rest of the stuff." Emily says, pointing to Penelope's trunk.

"Yeah. Here, lock it when you're done." Penelope hands her the keys.

"Thanks." Emily mutters.

"Here." Spencer hands Penelope his keys. "Oh, and, Garcia." He quietly calls, glancing at Clara as she walks into the front door. "It... it happened in her bedroom, so if she seems avoidant, don't push it."

"Of course not. We're just gonna hang out in the living room unless she says otherwise." Penelope says and Spencer nods, watching the blonde walk off.

Spencer and Emily start to unload the last few things out of the car.

"You okay?" Emily asks.

"Yeah. Yeah, no, fine." Spencer quietly says.

"Reid." Emily gives him a look. He sighs.

"No. No, how am I supposed to be fine? My daughter just tried to--" He stops himself. "And she was..." He feels bile rise up simply at the thought.

"She was what?" Emily asks and Spencer quickly remembers they don't know anything about what had happened at the parties.

"Nothing." Spencer quickly says. Emily knows he's lying, but understands it's not his information to tell and that if Clara wants her to know, she can tell her herself if and whenever she's ready. But a feeling in her gut lets her already know, even though she prays she's wrong. But based off his appearance, she doesn't think she is.

"Do you know what was in the speedball?" Emily asks.

"Cocaine and heroin that was laced with fentanyl." Spencer informs.

"Fentanyl?" Emily's eyes widen and Spencer nods. "Oh, God." She whispers.

"She's alive, though. That's all that matters, right?" Spencer mutters.

"Yes. Yes, that's what matters, she lived through it. You still have your baby with you." Emily reassures.

"My baby." Spencer whispers, his chest aching. "How'd I let so much happen to her?"

"Reid, it's not your fault." Emily says.

"I'm her dad, I'm supposed to protect her." Spencer says. "But instead she's been abducted, like, five times, hunted down and almost murdered, she watched two of her best friends be murdered, saw her old nanny's dead body, she saw me in prison after i kept her away for three months, had to live with my mom which I forced her to do, and was in a car crash where she lost her last best friend, only to be blamed by that friend's nutcase mother, and she developed alcohol and drug addictions because I wasn't there for her enough, and now this."

"I was never there for her enough. She deserves better." Spencer mumbles.

"Hey, no, stop that." Emily scolds. "You are the best dad she could ask for. You both have been dealt extremely bad hands and we can't control that. But even when it doesn't feel like it, you still have each other. There's been bumps along the way, of course, but you haven't lost her completely. You're both growing and changing and you just need to adapt to it. And you're about to have plenty of time to start learning because you're not working."

"What?" Spencer frowns in confusion.

"You're taking a sabbatical until you both think it's okay enough for you to return. The last thing she needs is to get attached to you for two weeks and then you to be ripped away for a case. Besides, you were gonna ask for one anyway, don't act dumb."