Do You Even Care? / STYLE SOUTHPARK

☆Chapter 15 ☆

...Butters POV...

I've been out here a few hours now, with my clothes in my bag and without my phone. By now I'm sure Kenny had tried to text me at least once.

I hate that it's starting to get dark, I have no idea what I'll do. It's only gonna get colder too, spring nights can be chilly around here.

I've sure got a lot of thinking to do; Luckily Starks Pond is a great place to think. The sound of the water, the green grass, the emptiness... it's the place to think.

Slowly, I sit down next to the edge of the water. In it, I can vaguely see my reflection. I reach out and touch the water, right in the spot where I can see my face. The cold sensation is a nice feeling so I submerge my entire hand.

If I just stop... I could go back. Sleep in my own bed, live in my house, live a lie. Sometimes it's easier to lie, even if it hurts. Then I think of Kenny, his smile, his smell; I can't go back.

I pull my hand from the water and stare at my reflection. I pick apart my face, trying to figure out where each of my features comes from. I've been told that I look a lot like my dad but that I have my mom's eyes; right now I wish I didn't look like either of them. How could they just kick me out? Their blood, and over something so stupid too.

It must be around nine, judging by the sun. Then I realize, I have no idea where I'm going to sleep. I have school tomorrow. Oh jeez, I don't even have my school stuff. I could just stay up all night, it might be safer to stay awake.

While I ponder this, I subconsciously stand up. I start to walk around, looking around the park. Maybe one of these benches will do... I can use my backpack as a pillow. I pick a bench at random and sit on it.

Well, I'm not tired yet, but I have nothing to do. What do people with nothing do in their free time? They must spend a lot of time in their head. I look up at the stars that are just starting to form in the sky. They seem so sure, the way they glow so brightly and confidently. I wish I could be like them, confident in myself, and my choices, and my words. The thought of pretending to be straight makes my skin crawl with doubt. I mean is it really worth it? The stars frown at me as I scan them for answers.

Is it worth it to be me?

My breath shakes, and so do my hands. I feel that lump in my throat, the one you get before you cry. For a bit, I fight my tears until I simply can't anymore. My tears come at an overwhelming speed.

...

When I stop crying it's probably ten and my head is pounding. That's when I decided I should sleep. I prob my bag up against the armrest of the bench and I set my head on it as I lay out. I curl my legs up, so I'm in a fetal position, mostly cause it'll be warmer this way.

I stay that way for a while, it darn hard to sleep out here. Then I hear a rustling and footsteps so I open my eyes, slowly. "Butters?" I hear Craig's monotone voice call out from in front of me. I pop up on the bench. Craig and Tweek stand in front of me, hand in hand, looking confused and concerned. "Oh— hey guys," I say with a tight smile.

"Butters, what are you doing out here?" Craig asks.

I feel my stomach do a flip. I don't even know what to say, I swallow hard and I try to think up a reply. No words come. Tears come instead, yet again. God, I've cried a lot today.

Craig and Tweek sit on the bench, Craig next to me and Tweek next to him. Craig puts his arms around my shoulders and I sniff, sipping my tears with my arm.

"Sorry," I manage to tell them.

"It— it's ok, man," Tweek stutters.

Craig moves his hand from my shoulders, rubbing his hand through his hard swiftly. "Is it cool if I ask what's going on though?" He asks.

"Yeah, yeah. So... my parents... they kicked me out 'cause of— cause I'm gay," My words are barely a whisper by the time I finish talking but they both hear it.

Craig doesn't seem shocked but Tweek's eyes go wide. "Oh god," he comments, pulling at the strings of the hoodie he is wearing.

Craig gently places his hand on Tweek's thigh and then turns back to me. "Do you need a place to stay? You can probably stay in my parent's guest room for a few days," Craig offers.

"Oh! Really?" I can't help but smile weakly at his offer.

He nods, "Of course, I mean it'd be fucked up to just leave you out here when I can help."

...

"Thanks a lot, Craig," I smile, hand on the door handle.

"Yup, goodnight."

Craig walks away back towards his room as I shut the door. His parents agreed instantly to let me stay for a few days. They showed me the room and even let me use the dresser, which now has my clothes in it.

I flick the light switch off and quickly make my way to the bed, cozying up under the blanket. It's a nice fuzzy one that smells like it's been freshly washed. I'm glad I found somewhere to stay, it was getting awful cold out there.