Do You Even Care? / STYLE SOUTHPARK

☆Chapter 21 ☆

...Kyle's POV...

I walk into my house. I kick off my shoes. I go upstairs, straight to my room. Right now is one of those moments where you just need a dark room and some time to process. So with the lights off, I fall onto my bed with a heavy sigh.

I'm not upset at Stan for not being ready to come out. I get it, I'm not out either. It's just the feeling of being a secret that hurts. I want to be open about who I like because sometimes it feels like it's all anyone talks about— relationships and sex. It's isolating to stand there silently when it's brought up because nobody knows you're gay. Especially when it's bright up all the time.

I get on my phone, scrolling mindlessly. But soon my eyes began to flutter open and shut. It's not particularly late yet but why not sleep? I plug my phone in. My bed is so comfortable that after just a few minutes I feel myself drifting off into sleep.

...

Sunday morning comes with me waking to Ike opening my door and jumping on me. He tells me mom has a list of chores for us. I groan, I'm still tired. How could I possibly be tired after sleeping two times longer than I normally do? This bed has never felt more comfortable than right now but I force myself up. Here's to a long day ahead of me.

...Stan's POV...

I pull my legs up onto the couch so I'm sitting cross-legged. I've probably been in Roblox for the last two hours and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. I don't have anything better to do anyway.

Suddenly a call pops up at the top of my screen.

Wendy?

What? Why is she calling? I stand up and click accept.

"Hello?"

"Hi Stan," she answers.

"Hey, what's up?"

For a second she doesn't say anything and I just hear the sound of her breathing. "Uhm... could you meet me at the library? In like 30 minutes?"

I pause. Why does she want to meet at the library? I have to go just to know why, it would kill me not knowing. "Yeah sure, in half an hour?" I clarify.

"Yeah."

"Ok, see you there." I hang up.

...

I walk into the library, glancing around for Wendy. Sure enough, she's right ahead between the rows of shelves. She's looking up at the top shelf of books, scanning them idly.

"Hey," I whisper.

"Hi Stan," she whispers back. She motions for me to follow her. She walks further into the library, back into the kids' section. "I figure we can talk at a normal volume back here," she explains as she finally stops walking.

I nod, looking around at the empty kids section. The library in South Park is pretty dead. "So what'd you wanna talk about anyways?" I ask her.

Her face turns red and she looks at her shoes. "I... I have a crush on Bebe," she confesses.

"Holy shit, really?" I blurt out in shock. "Sorry that sounded rude," I smile sheepishly.

"No, it's ok. But yeah, really," she smiles, looking back up at me.

I'm still processing. So Wendy likes Bebe? Why is she telling me of all people? I mean she has plenty of friends she could tell, she's not lacking in the friend's department.

She seems to read my mind because she sighs heavily, "I had to tell somebody who doesn't talk to Bebe."

I raise an eyebrow. So she doesn't trust her friends not to tell her?

"I'm scared that my friends will judge me or that they'll tell Bebe or both. I can't ruin Bebe and I's friendship, Stan," she explains, eyebrows furrowing with worry.

"Wendy, can I give you some advice?"

She nods, twirling the ends of her shiny black hair.

"Don't let your friends hold you back from being yourself," I tell her. It feels hypocritical to say, especially when I'm so scared of what people will think. But honestly, her friends are shitty and it feels wrong to not tell her.

"But what if they don't like who I am?"

"Then they aren't actually your friends, right?" I ask as more of a statement.

"I guess you're right... really it only matters what Bebe thinks," she says smiling as she says the girl's name.

"Damn, you really like her."

She nods and starts walking to one of the rows of kids' shelves. I follow. "She's... well she's just amazing in every way, y'know? " she grins while holding up a kid's novel and idly examining the cover art. She sets the book on the shelf again.

"Anyways, I've been meaning to ask, how are you and Kyle doing? I heard you guys were fighting."

I feel my face turn red and I'm glad she's picked up another kid's book to look at so she isn't looking at me. I know she means the question in a 'how is your friend way' but it makes it hard to think she doesn't somehow know about me and Kyle. Maybe she does know — by intuition. Maybe that's why she's bringing up her crush on her best friend to me.

"You heard about that?" I mumble.

"It's a small school, Stan," she chuckles.

She's right, gossip tracks faster than light at our school because of how tiny it is. That makes me nervous, knowing that if the wrong person finds out everyone will know in a matter of one day. It's petrifying — truly.

"We're doing fine now," I tell her with a forced and shaky smile.

"Oh really? Good!" she replies with a (possibly faux) cheery voice. She turns to me.

"I've always wondered if Kyle is actually straight, he's never really taken an interest in any of the girls," she says carefully. She's looking at me almost like she asking if I know if Kyle is straight.

My mind flashes back to his lips on mine, his hand on mine. Our eyes on each other. I don't say anything — it's fucked up to out people.

Wendy notices my lack of response but just shrugs. "Anyways, thanks for the advice, I really needed to get it off my chest."

"Oh, yeah, no problem," I tell her.

There's a long pause where the silence in the room is obvious. Wendy's nerves are obvious and palpable.

"Promise you won't tell anyone?"  She finally asks after a long pause.

I nod, "I promise."

I wonder if this was all a quest to see if she was right about a feeling she has about me and Kyle. I wonder if her telling me about her secret crush on Bebe was just collateral damage.