Petal | tk

Chapter 55: Evermore

Pic cred humanlouvre

Ignore the mistakes plz :)
Trigger warning: pani*c attac*k

Third Person POV

Jeongguk closes the door and rests his head against it. His sweating, shaking palms stay connected to the very door that became the barrier between him and his salvation. 

The one he let out of their home just now. The one who took the warmth of their hearth with him.

Jeongguk stays rooted to the door, mind empty, body numb. It's the rapid and angry knocks on the door that sync with his heartbeat and all he can feel at the moment. 

All it took was the words about the damn file from Taehyung's lips back in the club when he was so excitedly going to drag Taehyung to dance with him, all it took for his heart to drop in his stomach. 

All he could think of was why Taehyung lied about it when he knew. What was so important that it lead his lover to hide this from him when all he could do was tell him.

His mind went to a million possible things on what could the file be about. 

Even as bad as Taehyung making a deal with Hyunwoo to leave him...when he knew it was never ever going to happen because Taehyung would never side with him.

But fear makes you do and say unexpected things.

Jeongguk wouldn't lie and he said to Taehyung as well---it hurt. Then he got to know more, more that Taehyung knew all this time.

And it broke him there. He wanted to wait for the right time to tell Taehyung because this was one thing left for him to say and then he'd be completely bare to his lover.

After his IED episodes and one attempt with the cut that rests on his forearm, Taehyung would completely and utterly know everything about him.

That's all there was left to say but Taehyung found out before him only because...he was curious? 

It can't be. Just mere curiosity can't lead Taehyung to do this. There has to be more and a lot more and that's what Jeongguk wanted Taehyung to trust him with.

But now that he thinks of it, Taehyung knew about his anger issues and considering the amount of times he had lashed out on him for no reason at all, why would Taehyung tell him without fearing the worst.

He knew his problems will ultimately cause this. That's why he was so scared of telling Taehyung this but it already happened and he didn't even know.

Taehyung thought he'd lash out, get angry, probably hurt him so he thought it's better to hide it from him.

Perhaps Taehyung was pitying him.

Jeongguk slides against the door, head thuds back hard, perhaps that would make him see the truth, see what's going on because right now, he's going out of his fucking mind.

He doesn't even know for how long he stayed like this. An hour, two hours, he doesn't know.

Jeongguk thinks back to the time, just days ago when he told him to be patient with him and Taehyung said he'd wait even if it takes him forever. Yet he knew. Taehyung knew his most deepest and vulnerable part and he kept it like it didn't mean anything to Jeongguk.

Why would he even want to know first? Why, when Yoongi was in grief to tell him, why didn't he stop Yoongi from telling him. Why did he keep hearing his words and not run away from there. 

Why wouldn't Yoongi yell at him to stop and not say anything either even if he forced Yoongi to speak.

What was Taehyung even thinking? Was he that scared? But of who? Him or the fact that there might be worst things Jeongguk had done in his past.