RUN

Will I Ever

It was a dream. I'm sure of it. The Doctor did say something about me being asleep. I rub the spot where the Doctor's name still lies under my shirt. I don't understand how it followed me out of my dream but it doesn't matter. It's the last thing I have of him. I know the real Doctor is here, the Doctor I traveled with, the Doctor I saved, and the Doctor I fell in love with. But the real Doctor doesn't love me. I sob quietly, well as quietly as I could, into the sheets, pulling them up to my eyes. I wipe away my tears repeatedly but they keep coming and my body is in horrible pain. The kind of pain that comes with a broken heart. Stop this madness! My mind screams but I ignore it and bury my head into my pillow. Will I ever get to kiss the Doctor again? Will I ever be able to hear him say "I love you?" Will I ever- Someone knocks on my door.

"Clara?" It's the Doctor.

"Go away," I sniff. I'm not surprised when he still opens the door. Oh god and I look like a wreck. "What part of go away don't you understand?" I make sure my hair hides my face. I can feel the bed dip when he sits down next to me.

"None of it. Clara, do you want to talk? Why are you crying?" The concern in his voice just makes me tear up again. I'm afraid that if I speak it won't be pretty, so I shake my head and turn my body so I'm not facing him.

"I wish you would tell me. I want to help." You're only making it worse. I tense up when he starts to run his fingers through my hair, but then I sigh. He knows that stroking my hair calms me down. It's what my mum used to do.

"I- I just had a dream."

"Another nightmare?"

"No. This one was different. It was perfect. Sweet and funny and just..."

"Was I in it?" It's not the first time he's asked if I dreamed of him but this time I find the answer stuck in my throat, so I just nod. "Well," I can hear his voice catch,"I can be sweet and funny in real life too." Should I tell him?

"You were a different kind of sweet and funny. You were in love with me." There. There I said it. Now someone hand me a nouse so I can hang myself.

"Oh...," is his response. How awkward is this? Nice going Clara.

"It was just a dream."

"But then why are you crying?"

"Because it felt so real." It was real. The Doctor is silent probably thinking of a response that won't hurt my feelings, so I go on. "I know we could never be like that because you're a Time Lord and you have River and I understand. You probably haven't even considered the possibility of being with me at all. I'm so human,so beneath you-"

"Clara stop. Look at me." I reluctantly turn over and look at him through the strands of hair sticking to my tear streaked face.
"You don't know-"

"Clara!" Daisy bursts into my room in a blur of wild blond hair and pounces on me. She's unusually heavy for a dead girl. Then I realize she looks and feels like a normal living person.

"Doctor what did you do?"

"Oh I saved her genetic code into the Tardis. Now she's apart of it. Saved, like the former Tardis control rooms." Daisy hugs my neck and settles against me.

"You look awful. Were you crying? Did the Doctor make you cry?" Daisy glares back at the Doctor who raises his hands in surrender.

"Don't look at me, I found her this way." But his eyes betray him. At least to me.

"What you did to Missy and that Cyberman was incredible. I believe her. You are not human." I run circles along her back really thinking about what I did. How inhumanly of me.

"I guess not," I mumble, not really that excited about it. I don't want rage and the power to kill. I want the Doctor. "What happened to Missy?"

"I finished her off,"Daisy deems proudly.

"Daisy!" The Doctor scolds.

"Alright, alright, we left her there. She was unconscious but alive." Daisy leans over to my ear. "But I gave her a swift kick to the derier when nobody was looking." I immediately picture it in mind and start giggling.

"Oh Daisy," I say and hug her against me while she cracks up as well. The Doctor scratches his head.

"Well I guess I'll leave you ladies." The Doctor gets up to leave. I want to grab his hand and pull him back but I just hold on tighter to Daisy. He turns and gives me one last look before walking out the door.

"You want to tell me why you were crying?" Daisy asks me softly.

"I don't think you'll understand."

"Understand that you are in love with my father?" I don't know what's more shocking. That she hit the nail on the head or she called the Doctor her father.

"You just know everything don't you?"

"Yep. Did you forget I can read minds?"

"You can can't you,"I say slyly. "I think we could have some fun with that."

"I was thinking I could help you with your problem first. You know find out if the Doctor loves you back." I know that should make me happy and hopeful, but if she reads the Doctor's mind, she's only going to find more proof that he doesn't.

"No thanks Daisy."

"Why not?"

"Wouldn't you want your mum to be with your dad?"

"They're not really the best match."

"I know it doesn't seem like it with all the arguments and what not, but the Doctor loved her enough to marry her which is not a small feat for him."

"I guess..."

"So no snooping. Got it?"

"Sure. As long as you stop being miserable I will not snoop."

"I'm not miserable. Now let me up." Daisy climbs off the bed and I sit up. She walks over to my dresser and flips through my books.

"Ooooh books. Clara will you read to me?" I smile. God I love her. Angie and Artie would sure enjoy her as well. Oh my gosh! I forgot to ask the Doctor where they are.

"In a sec Daisy. Pick out a book you like, I'll be right back." I walk down the hall to the control room and start up the stairs when I hear laughter. The Doctor is sitting in a blue chair near the console with River in his lap. He nuzzles her neck and she sighs with her eyes closed and a content smile.

"I've missed this," I barely hear the Doctor mumble into her neck.

"I have a whole list of things I miss doing with you,"she replies.

"Oh really?" He kisses her neck all the way up to her cheek.

"You won't be surprised what number one is."

"I know very well what number one is you bad girl." Right when River squirms and laughs again is when she opens her eyes and sees me.

"Can we help you?" I takes me a minute to realize she is speaking to me. I'm still frozen and slightly shaken. I open my mouth but nothing comes out. I feel like my chest is caving in on itself. The Doctor notices me when River speaks and stiffens. He looks like a deer caught in headlights.

"I'm- I'm s-so sorry." I stutter considerably. I haven't stuttered since I was a kid in the fifth grade and had to recite my lines in the school play. In a rush I race down the steps, down the hall, past my bedroom, and I keep running. And running and running and running...

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