RUN

Burn It

I thought he didn't love me. I was almost sure of it but the things he said and did didn't add up and I thought maybe just maybe if I pushed him hard enough he would cave. He didn't. So now I'm watching the Tardis dematerialize, hearing that magical sound for the last time. I drop my bag on the lawn once the Police Box fades away into the night. Because it finally hits me that he's not coming back. I can't breath. No matter how much oxygen I pull into my lungs it's just not enough. I look up at the windows. Everyone of them is dark, which means Angie and Artie are asleep. I don't want to go inside. I just need to be alone.

I start to walk down the street. Somewhere down the block a dog barks. I look to the sky wondering where he has gone now. Once Daisy gets used to me being gone and her frustration subsides, I'm sure the Doctor will show her the stars. Each and every one of them. I'm going to miss her. She pleaded with me to stay and told me the Doctor does love me he's just too stubborn to say it. I know the Doctor's stubborn but if he wasn't going to get past that for me then I couldn't stay. Not when I love him so much.

I walk past an abandoned wooden house, then stop. I don't know why but I suddenly go in. I walk up the steps onto porch and push the door open. It creeks as it swings slowly open to reveal a long hall way. There was a sign up front in the lawn that said no trespassing. I didn't really notice it until I intended to go in. Well I'm not turning back now. I walk down the hall, chocking on the mothballs shooting up my nose with every breath. I cover my mouth and proceed into the thick darkness. No matter how much I squint I can't see a thing. I stop. Maybe I should turn back. My arms start to tingle, then my legs, then the rest of my body, and a soft orange light glows off my skin like a candle. I gasp in amazement. I'm glowing like a lantern! The light grows to almost two feet around me. I continue to walk.

"This is so freaky." I flip my arms in front of me watching the light surround it. I have a vague feeling that I should be doing something. Something reckless. Something that will make me feel better. But what could I do in a creaky abandoned house? Drugs maybe? I flinch at the thought. I'm not that kind of girl and the Doctor will sure not turn me into that kind of girl. Burn it.

Yes. I should burn it down. I run my finger over the cracked walls, leaving a thin trail of charred wood. Then I press both my palms against the splintering wall and gasp as a whoosh of energy shoots down my arms and an eruption of flames race down to either end of the wall. The whole thing is engulfed in flames and is burning up fast. Pretty soon this wall will collapse. I take my hands away and inspect them. Didn't even chip a nail.

The flames whip dangerously close to my face but the heat doesn't hurt. Feels cool if anything. I race down to what looks like the kitchen. I want to burn up some more things before the house collapses. I stride over to the dust covered table and place my palms on it, this time closing my eyes and thinking about the Doctor. I think about him and his stupid wife conoddling in a chair. I think about how he took away my memory of me dying over and over again to save his life so he could save others, tearing myself apart in the process. I think about how he stood there and let me walk out without a word to stop me. Lastly I think about how he made me fall in love with him. So desperately, madly, hopelessly in love, and acts like it meant nothing to him. I mean nothing to him.

I open my eyes to the entire table ablazed, the flames hitting the ceiling and turning it black. The floor is also on fire, mingling with the flames from the hall way blocking my exit. I remove my hands from the flames, again not a scratch, and become lightheaded. My legs suddenly give out, and I fall onto the floor unable to catch myself. I stare up at the ceiling, at the flames facing downward reaching for me.

I'm strangely calm. I think I might die tonight. It doesn't matter that the flames can't hurt me. A raining pile of wooden floors, planks, and banisters will. I want it to hurt. I want my death to be the most painful thing I ever feel. Because at least then it will block out my other pain. I can be with my mom again.

The one person who would understand. I miss her so much. Being with the Doctor I hardly thought about her. I should have thought about her more. I should have been a better daughter. My vision starts to cloud with smoke. I can hear the wood cracking above me, then give away. I close my eyes.

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