Broken Cycle

Chapter Twelve

I walked home and no one was there. I called Mom, but no answer. I sat on my bed and scrolled through my phone. People were still hating on me, calling me a slut, bitch, pathetic, weak, easy, and it just got worse. Pictures of me at the last showed up and no one understood what was really happening.

I went to the kitchen, grabbed a knife, and made a small cut on my thigh. I kept doing it and felt a sense of relief. Maybe because I knew I wouldn't be sad if I made that one cut on my vein? But I wasn't ready to leave. I cleaned the knife and cleaned my thigh up. It hurt insanely bad and I reconsidered just cutting my vein. But I didn't. Instead I went back to my room and slept.

My phone buzzed and it was Mason. I answered and sat up. "What?"

"Where are you?" He asked.

"In my room," I said.

Mason showed up in my room and hung up. "Didn't see you."

"Obviously," I rolled my eyes.

"Mom's out getting food. What do you want?" He asked.

"Nothing," I said, laying back down.

"Why are you such a--"

"Bitch? Slut? Stuck up? Gee, I don't know," I snapped.

He walked off and I put my face in the pillow. I wanted to scream so bad. Not just because he didn't ask why I'd said it, but because he didn't deny it. Was I really that bad of a person? What was I supposed to do? I heard Mom come in, but I didn't move. I felt a hand on my back and looked up.

"Hey, want some food?" Mom asked.

"No," I laid back down.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Nothing. I'm tired," I said.

"Okay, talk to me," she said.

"Why? We tried talking once and the second Mason showed up, it was like I was invisible," I said.

"That's not true," she said.

"Yes it is. The world revolves around him! Mason does this, he's so good at that. Sorry I'm not something to be proud of," I snapped.

"I am proud of you." She said.

"Okay," I said sarcastically.

"Look, me and you can do something together. We'll go get our nails done or something--"

"See, I'd love to, but it wouldn't be a 'I love my daughter trip.' It'd be a 'I have to prove I love my daughter' trip. It'd be out of guilt and I don't want that. If we were to ever have a day together id want it to be because you genuinely wanted to do it. Not because I was upset and you were trying to make me feel better," I said.

She left my room and I just hid more under my blanket. I didn't feel the urge to get up and get dressed for something. I didn't care anymore if my mom or Mason cared about me. I didn't care what everyone was saying anymore. Nothing mattered and that scared me. I missed being excited and energetic.