Blink Back To Let Me Know -Brallon-

Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Summary:

William and Dallon haven't talked a lot in the past year so keeping all of this a secret wasn't too hard. Dallon isn't looking for sympathy, he only wants someone to understand where he is coming from...

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The heat of midday makes it almost too warm to be outside. Bilvy, Bren, and I are all sat on the back patio; Brendon's nursing a beer and William and I are both drinking lemonade. The condensation from our glasses makes a pool of water on the table and I run my fingers through it idly while we make small talk.

I'm working up the courage to explain everything to Bilvy and I think he can sense that something is amiss in my life.

"I feel like we've been off track the past year. So, what's been going on in your lives?  You guys must be busy in the studio, right?" Bilvy asks and looks at me.

Just then, Brendon starts to stand up; almost as if on cue. He kisses me on the forehead and says "We just started back a few days ago. We're pretty stoked about getting the record done. As much as I would love to sit here and chat, I've got some things I need to work out for that song Spence and I are writing; I'll leave you two to talk." He retreats into the house leaving Bilvy and I alone.

I smile and Bilvy looks at me slyly and says, "I owe Travie 20 bucks for that. I knew you two would end up together! How long has it been?"

I laugh at the thought of placing a bet on our relationship; Brendon was right...that little shit. "A little more than 9 months, it'll be a 10 in a few weeks, actually."

"Wow, that's awesome! Congrats! I always thought you two had something special." He says and pats my arm lightly, "That is really great, Dall."

"Yeah, it is great. Brendon's been my saving grace this past year. I don't know where I- I...uh...would be without him. Honestly. He saved me, Bilvy." I slowly look over to William and the look on his face is of confusion and worry.

"What do you mean he saved you?" His eyes are intently focused on mine and my heart is beating out of my chest. I sit silent trying to pick my words carefully.

I should have kept my mouth shut.

"Dall, what did you mean by that?"

"Well, you know my life hasn't always been the best and I've dealt with some pretty shitty times in the past, right?"

"Yeah, last you told me, you were seeing a therapist and you had started some anti-depressants. Did they stop working?"

"I'm not really sure to be honest. I've been alright for the most part up until about a year ago. We- uh..." I pause as my voice starts to crack. I clear my throat and take a deep breath.

"Hey, it's alright, you don't have to tell me." He says softly.

"No, no. I need to tell you this. You're one of my best friends and I need to get this off my chest."

I take a deep breath and start again. "So, uh, about a year and a half ago, I started to cut again. I was stressed out, we were on this huge tour and-"

"You never told me you were cutting again, Dall. I wish I had known. I would have come out to be with you on tour." He interrupts.

"I know you would have, Bilvy. I didn't tell anyone; I didn't want anyone to know. Shit, I think you were the only one that did know about it in the past.  But, um... so, one night I played a really shitty set and I was a little out of my comfort zone. Everything started to feel too overwhelming; I needed to get out of my head because I was slowly driving myself into a frantic mess. We didn't have a hotel night for two days so, I had decided to try to do it in the bathroom on the bus. I guess I forgot to lock the door and Bren walked in on me mid-destruction. I think it scared him as much as it did me. He kind of yelled at me in the nicest way possible. He then ransacked my bunk and my belongings for all sharp objects... which he took away from me. I was really ashamed of myself that I let someone find out. I spent a lot of time looking over my shoulder and trying to keep everything such a big secret. I guess half of me was grateful but the other half was so fucking embarrassed.  Brendon kept his eye on me for the rest of the tour and we became really close but, my head was never back in the game. I had this dark fucking cloud hanging over me for whatever reason.  I never let on to any of the guys that things were less than great though; I even had Brendon fooled at some point."