Blink Back To Let Me Know -Brallon-

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Summary:

Ruby red is a color Dallon knows too well...

+++

"Screw it!" I think outloud

My heart is racing as I find what I need and It doesn't take long before I am at my bed with a notebook writing my goodbyes. The band, my parents, I even wrote one for the fans. Hell, they get me; they care a lot about not just me but, the other guys too. I kind of owe it to them... to everyone.

That alone starts to make me feel guilty...

I make my way into the kitchen and I set my pen down on top of my notebook, lay them both on the table and pour myself a drink.

I almost feel guilty knowing that I may be breaking a few hearts but, what about mine?!

"No one has ever cared!" I say, out loud.

Then it hit me...no one but, Brendon.

My heart sinks in my chest. What the fuck am I going to do? Brendon is going to try to call me In the afternoon and when he doesn't reach me, then what? Will he find me?

I sit on my shitty couch with the bottle in my hand; fuck pouring it into a cup- less to clean when they go to re-rent my apartment...

It's almost 8pm now. I've been sitting here drinking for hours-and I am no more alive than I am dead.

Part of me is scared and part of me is telling the other part to suck It up and do It already.

I go in the bathroom and find my razor blades, although I am not sure why. This isn't what my intention is. Not how I planned this and I slink against the wall using my back to slide down to the cold tile floor.

I hold the blade with my fingertips watching the way the light from the vanity shines against the finish. I almost stop myself from doing it, I almost drop the blade and lay down on the floor instead but something inside my head is telling me to do this and I am almost powerless to control anything in my drunken stupor.

I am dragging the blade against my skin before I even realize I am doing it.

"Fuck!" I hissed.

Goddamn. I forgot how much that hurts.

I am now ridiculously drunk, bleeding from my forearm. Ruby red blood gently falling into a small drip of a puddle on my left leg. I blink back tears and try to remember how I got here in the first place. My head is spinning and I haven't even swallowed a single pill yet.

"You're weak, dude. Just finish what you started. It doesn't matter how it happens..."

My thoughts are getting the best me and in my inebriated state, I go willingly with them to the darkest place I have ever been.

I hastily carve another gash into my arm slightly above the first; it never helps as much as I want it to. I grab for the only bathroom towel I seem to own to put some pressure on my wounds and as I slump over to lay my head on the bath mat, I keep thinking to myself that I need to get my pills.

I am too weak to move. Between the alcohol and the blood loss, I just can't will myself to move an inch.

"Get the fuck up, Dallon! God damn you can't even do THIS right?!" I am literally berating myself out loud at this point and with a quiet sob I start to close my eyes.

Always a fucking quitter I think, too vividly.

I start to slip into a state of unconsciousness and in my inebriated state I opened my eyes and try to remember when I bought a red floor mat for the bathroom.

"Alcohol really does thin your blood." I half laugh to myself.

"Oh..."

"Oh, dammit..."

Tears are welling in my eyes and slowly falling down my cheek and sliding past my ears.

I start to panic a bit, this wasn't my plan, and it wasn't supposed to be messy!

I wanted to at least afford that to whomever found me.

"Oh shit..." is the last thing I remember saying before i slipped into darkness.