Blink Back To Let Me Know -Brallon-

Chapter 21

William left shortly after 8 and Brendon and I sat on the back patio long after the sun began to set. He never asked me if I actually told Bilvy about everything that has happened but, I get the feeling he figured it out from the way they hugged as Bilvy was leaving. I know in my mind that I did the right thing but, I can't help but feel as if I probably should have continued to keep it to myself. Usually in our lives, especially if we're out on tour, the less anyone knows about your personal life, the better.

"Hey, Bren?"

"Yeah, love. What's up?" He turns to look at me and suddenly I feel nervous.

"I told Bilvy everything. All of it." My heart is beating out of my chest but, I know it's alright. There is nothing to be anxious about.

"You did? All of it? That's awesome, babe. I am proud of you. He is a good friend to you, Dall. He won't tell anyone. What did he say?"

"He said he wished that he had known so he maybe could have helped. I doubt he could have but, it got me thinking about how much I really shut everyone out of my life in the past year or so. I feel pretty badly about it actually. It's a wonder I even have any friends left." I look at him and he cocks one eyebrow up and chuckles to himself.

"Baby, of course you have friends. In the lives we lead- in the music business- it's not uncommon to go a long time without seeing them.  Tours are always off sync, you're on the other side of the world one day and back home the next, or in the studio; everyone understands. We are pretty lucky in that sense I guess. "

"Yeah, I suppose. I just feel bad that I have this side of me that I hide from people and it's getting harder to do that, ya know? I feel like people are going to catch on eventually so, maybe I should just come clean?" My eyes drop back down and I stare at the deck waiting for some sort of answer from Brendon. It feels like several minutes pass before he says anything.

"I will support you in whatever you want to do. You have to remember though, if you make this public, you can't take it back. Make sure this is something that you really want to do and we'll figure out how to make it happen. It has to be controlled and it has to be on your terms. Okay?" He brushes his fingers through my hair and his hand grazes my cheek.

"Okay. I don't want to do it tomorrow or anything but, after the record, before next tour. People will see my scars when we start to tour again. I want to be the one to talk about it; not be the one talked about."  My stomach flips a little at the thought of touring again. The last tour was such a mess for me mentally and I know Zack is going to be up my ass every second. I try to push the thought out of my head; I'll burn that bridge when I come to it I suppose.

"I think that is a good enough reason. That's a smart idea, Mr. Weekes." He kisses my forehead and I lay my head on his shoulder. He's humming something quietly, nothing familiar but it sounds nice. We sit for a few more minutes, the quiet of the evening sinking slowly into my overactive brain but even in the light of my new found sort of confidence; something is still weighing heavily on my mind.

"Bren, do you think I screwed my life up?" I ask, my voice unintentionally whispering.

"No. I think everyone is entitled to second chances. I am just glad you are around to have one." He slides his arm around me and pulls me close and I notice after a moment that my shoulder feels wet. I turn sideways and look at him. His face is half hidden by the dark but, I can tell he is crying.

"Hey, what's the matter?"

"It's nothing, Dall. Just thinking about what William said to me as he was leaving. He thanked me for being there for you. He thanked me for saving your life and I never really had enough time to think about it like that. It scared me to think that if I was an hour later or a few hours later what could have happened. It's scary, Dall." His voice breaks and he wipes his nose with the back of his hand. I pull his face close to me wiping away his tears with my thumbs and rest my forehead against his. His arms circle around me and pull me into a tight hug.