Listen, Obey

26. Twenty-Sixth Lesson

Winter and no clothes was a bad combination, but what choice did I have? I wasn't in the mood to let some random dude screw me over, which meant I had no intention of staying a second longer than it took me to exit the place. Fuck his dirty money. Sam could tear me into pieces and I wouldn't care. If he was smart, he would know that killing me would mean zero chance of getting his money back. He was probably a lot dumber than I thought, but surely he couldn't be that stupid.

Stalking outside into the frigid winter night in nothing but a pair of boy shorts, I kept fuming about things that made me angry instead of hurt. I couldn't think about Matthews; it would be far too painful.

I heard the security guard bellow something behind me, but I paid him no heed. A cab stopped by the curb, rolling down the window.

The man inside was leering. "Hello there, wanna ride?" He looked like a slimebag, but what choice did I have.

I nodded and got into the backseat.

"Yunno, you ain't wearing much. Think I better see you pull out some cash from there before we go."

"I'll pay when we get where I'm going," I snapped, not capable of being anywhere near polite.

"Or y'get out of my car."

"Fuck, just drive me home. Do you want my death on your conscience?"

The guy rummaged through the glove compartment, and I sped out of the car as I caught sight of a gun. Obviously, he wouldn't care if I died or not, and freezing to death was preferable to being shot.

I jogged away from the cab, only stopping as he revved the engine and took off. Clouds of mist left my parted lips and I followed the swirls as they reached for the sky. Faint stars glimmered, their light barely passing the light pollution from the cityscape. Light, neglected and shunned even though it had traveled thousands upon thousands of light-years through the universe to reach us.

The sound of a car door opening tore me out of my daze.

"Let me drive you home, Ethan." Matthews stood by his car, wearing that treacherous beanie that had fooled me into thinking that he was more than I thought to begin with.

"Why?" I don't know what made me ask that particular question. It would have been better to simply ignore him. Instead, I had opened up for him to talk, which was the last thing I wanted.

"Because I care."

"Bullshit, again. You know what, just save it for someone who actually cares."

"Damn it, Ethan. Just get into the car."

"Never."

"You'd rather freeze to death? Is that it?" I could hear the anger in his voice. It made everything easier. I could handle anger. Instincts took over when people sank down into that feeling, and it made them predictable to some extent.

"If you care so much, just give me money so I can grab a cab."

"Is that what you want? You want me to just give up and let you go?"

"Yes."

"You're a terrible liar." His voice still held an edge, but there was another tone in it as well. It was disharmonious, as if the two parts didn't add up.

"I'm not lying. I want nothing to do with you." The words left me empty, but they had to be true.

The chill seeping out from my cracked heart had nothing to do with the air nipping at my skin. Both of them, together, numbed me until my thoughts got lost. The air was so silent—cold but beautiful. I could stay there forever. Just me and the night. The air. I could be weightless, touching the wind with my entire soul. I could leap away. I could die.