Listen, Obey

16. Sixteenth Lesson

Drinking tea was a strange experience. It wasn’t the slightly bitter taste of Twinings Earl Grey, but the context. Matthews was sipping his while flipping the pages of yet another newspaper. He seemed to have plenty of those. Tilia was looking at me, her eyes wide open and a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. I made a funny face and she spluttered milk over the table.

It was a weird yet homey atmosphere, and I felt like I’d known them for much longer than I had. Of course, I didn’t know much about Matthews, but his daughter’s presence made up for that deficiency.

Matthews chuckled as Tilia tried her best to wipe the table. I unfolded my napkin and helped her, which in the end resulted in some kind of battle of who would wipe most.

She giggled a lot, and it was contagious. Even Matthews, who I had assumed never wore a genuine smile had surprised me throughout the day. He clearly loved his daughter, and I could understand why.

“Daddy, can we play in the snow more?”

“Don’t you think it’s a bit late for that, Tilia?”

“No Daddy!”

Matthews checked his watch and sat back in his chair. He seemed indecisive. It was dark outside, but it wasn’t very late.

“Perhaps you should ask Ethan, Tilia. He got pretty soaked before, do you think he wants to get wet like that again?”

Her blue orbs settled on me. “Ethan, do you wanna play in the snow?”

I was warm, fed and as content as I’d ever been while sober on a Saturday night, and the snow didn’t look very appealing at all. However, it was very difficult to form the word ‘No’. She had quite some sway, that little girl.

Matthews cleared his throat. “Tilia, I think he wants to watch a movie instead.”

I let out a relieved sigh. Yes, that would be much better. It was the next best thing after going home, and that didn’t seem likely considering the amount of snow that was still falling from the heavy clouds.

“Can we watch Frozen?” Tilia asked.

I wasn’t surprised.

“Are you sure there’s nothing else you’d like to show Ethan while he’s here?” Matthews took another sip from his tea-cup.

“No, I wanna watch it again. Right, Ethan?”

“We should,” I replied, because this time I didn’t have any problems with letting her have her way.

She clapped her hands and repeated ‘Yes, yes, yes’ until Matthews told her to calm down. She pouted, but sat down on her hands.

“I’ll make dinner while you’re watching the movie. Just keep her entertained.” Matthews started to collect the cutlery. For a second I fidgeted and tried to remember what to say. I wanted to be of help, but I didn’t know how. When my thoughts were clear enough to suggest that I’d take care of it, he’d already collected everything and was moving toward the kitchen.

“Ethan.” Tilia’s soft voice made me turn her way.

“Yes?”

“Do you think Mommy will come back?”

My chest constricted, like a cold hand settled around my heart and squeezed it hard. I forgot to breathe. I recognized something in her voice that made it all much worse. She was abandoned, just like I had been. And what did I answer. I didn’t have a clue.

Even as I child I had known when adults lied to me, and I had heard the term ‘I don’t know’ so many times that I knew the words held nothing. She would know that too.