do & die [h.s]

f o u r

"You smoke?" He asks, his voice wavering in a please-tell-me-you're-kidding-me tone. I hesitantly nod, trying my best to avoid the green eyes trying to find mine.

"Since when? How did y-why didn't you tell me? God, you know it's not good for you," He sighed, confusion in his eyes and an uneasy rock between his feet.

"Ever since the accident," I explain trembling. "I-It's been my little escape from..everything. I even tried going to rehab for a couple weeks that summer Harry," I admit, my stare on my beat up shoes blurring. "But-but I just ended up even worse. And now, I don't smoke all that much but I just.." I ramble stutters and he shakes his head, begging me to stop.

"That's not true. No. No, Eve, I don't believe you," his voice raises a bit, frustration narrowing the edges. "Why didn't you tell me when you started..? Or at least when you.." He trails off, apologetic voice softening as I watch his hands bury in the pocket of his skin tight jeans. "You know, relapsed?" his gaze still looking for the answers I can't give him.

"I could've helped you" I hear him whisper under his breath, unsure if I was meant to hear the words spilling from his lips.

"I don't know, I didn't want to hurt you," I muttered, receiving a quick shake of the head from him. "And I didn't wanna see your reaction if I told you that I don't think I want to stop," I say in a low voice, shushing us both.

He stays quiet, collecting his thoughts, the dots refusing to connect.

"Harry?" I sniffle quietly, pulling him from his one track mind. He looks up, emerald eyes guarded in fear of what happens next. He searches my foreign face in what I am left to assume is disgust and it makes me take a deep breath in to calm the self loathing I felt for the person I'm becoming.

"I need to tell you something else, but I'm not sure how you'll take it," I take a deep breath in, building my courage up before the silence knocks it down first.

"Just tell me, this conversation isn't exactly going too great right now, " He chuckles with an unamused cough ripping through the cold phrase. "Can't exactly get any worse, can it?" His eyes narrow as if the words were meant for his own head rather than my ears.

"Promise you won't get mad and that you won't do anything stupid," I beg him and watch him roll his eyes, folding his inked arms across his chest.

I don't bother taking it back, both of us more than aware of how irrational he often resulted into being.

"Go on," he barks, growing impatient. I can nearly taste the anger in his voice, the volume he was speaking at making me wince.

I take a step away from him almost afraid of what he is capable of. I've got to admit, it's the first time in a long time I've ever see him mad; he's always so calm even when put in the worst situations.

"I..um" I choke on the words and his eyes urge me to spit it out. "I sort of saw Jake this morning and he was smoking a spliff and I might've tried it," I squeeze my eyes shut just as his widen. "And h-he said he knew me, and he took my phone and he held on so tight and it hurt so bad. I didn't know wh-" I feel myself pause trying to hold in the burning pool surfacing my eyes.

"He scared me and he kept looking at me like-like" I hiccup, wishing I'd kept my mouth shut and hiding my face in my shaking hands. "And he told me to meet him tomorrow and I don't even know why I did this to myself or why I'm going through with any of it and I'm just so scared Harry. I don't know what I'm doing or what I'm dragging myself into, but p-please, just please don't be mad at me H. I-please don't leave me I can't do th-"

"So you've been smoking since last year?" Harry interrupts me calmly as his hands loosely reach up to grip my the back of my wrists and I nod, my breathing still uneven.