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˗ˏˋ I WISH I WAS DEAD. Everytime I close my eyes, Armins face takes away my thoughts. My life is enclosed to a dark paradise - my own hell, the hell i created when I decided to take away my brother's family and now my punishment has came for me. I'm trapped on all sides, I'm a slave to murder, and a killer who's searching for a sprun redemption. My only luck was Armin who made usage of my skills at its finest, bringing me to where I am now.
He's the reason for my brother's acceptance of me. Although I'm not conscious of my abilities now, I'm ordered to kill whoever comes my way - this was my role given by life, to protect with my life even if I never agreed. All because I was born.
My mother's sin was me, my own sin is surviving to remain alive.
Behind my grim persona which is often pointed out, I'm admitting my reasons of joining the survey corps. I could've had a better life inside the walls where my safety was ensured and I'd have a good meal everyday, albeit I joined the Survey Corps in the hope of being exposed to violence, death and people giving in to their urges and desires, expecting that, in this way, she would be able to see the inner nature of humankind firsthand in hopes of finding a reason to live, to explain herself why she fought for survival.
Even as a child who had little knowledge , I've always questioned whether there was any value in life. My tries to fill this hole and find a reason worth living for, choosing to live a life surrounded by bloodshed and war, my brother was the only thing that kept me alive and I wonder... would I ever give up and just end my life in a miserable place where no one would find me if I didn't have him?
I want to die. I want to die more than ever before. There's no chance now of a recovery or change of heart. No matter what sort of thing I do, no matter what I do, it's sure to be a failure, just a final coating applied to my shame. That dream of freedom it's not for the likes of me. All that can happen now is that one foul, humiliating sin will be piled on another, and my sufferings will become only the more acute. I want to die. I must die. Living itself is the source of sin.
The thought of dying always bothered me, but it never bothered me as I only searched for my purpose in life and shamelessly failed into doing so, I have murdered multiple innocent people and children to pave my path and raise my chances of a better future, all just by killing. I took a hunch.
I can foresee my life rotting away in front of me while I pursue the enlargement of my lifespan, and for what reason? Not even I know.
At this exact moment, I long for nothing more than simply to sleep, how clean, how pure, the mere thought of it is exhilarating. I would've said that longing for Armin was what came to my mind, however my disqualification as a human being would only drag him down with me.
I reminded myself that everything passes... it's only my longed eternal sleep who will remain with me, making sure another hell will live inside my dreams as heaven is an unreachable place for dishonourable humans like me.
The place I was entitled to remain until any danger occurred Eren had been left behind me as I waited for enemies to reach the whereabouts of myself and Eren. My swords were ready to be stained in blood, preparing to dirty my hands even more with sacred blood.
The blood of the boy who I adored and cherished for half of my life. I never even got to confess to him, maybe I could've had him to run away with me and life so far away that the rumbling would never reach us and we'd live happily ever after with our kids roaming around and playing, cheerful giggles and faces surrounding me. Maybe if fate wouldn't have despised me so much my sins would've been forgiven and my happiness would end with Armin.
I took a deep breath and composed myself before opening my eyes and taking a glance to the hell outside.
It was at that moment when Armin rushed in, breathing out fast. My whole body wanted to rush towards him and hug him, kiss him, adore him, all kind of things - but it was unrealistic.
"Rora, tell me... why are you doing this for?! Talk to me!" His glorious blue irises let out tears escape down his face, his voice was raised, unusual of his calm and composed character. I couldn't reply back to him, I wasn't allowed to. This was my punishment.
"Talk to me! Please, Aurora. I don't want to lose you - if you turn in now then the military will take it easy on you, I will even lie and tell them you had no part in this rumbling. Just please, I beg you, come with me!" His desperate calls forced me into pointing my sword at his throat, however to my fortune, it didn't cut him as he dodged it -but it cut my soul instead.
My attacks forced Armin into taking out his swords that were used on titans, never humans, unlike my swords. His soul was intact and so pure that it also reflected on his features, in my eyes, Armin Arlert looked like an angel. He was an angel.
Mikasa's sudden appearance forced Armin into taking his attention off of me, sliding his sword forward. My reflexes bailed out on me, leading me into his sword.
Her body rushed behind me, where Eren's foreseen death had been accomplished. Her tears fell like a river on Eren's face who only opened his eyes once, a last sight of his lover. His reason of survival was Mikasa and his eyes only wanted to notice her, and only her.
With Eren's decapitation, my speech came back but not entirely as the sword impaled in my body destroyed me.
"Armin..." I muttered my last words, glancing only towards my one-sided lover who would never love a sinner like me back.
His warm body, filled with adrenaline pulled the sword out and crashed his body onto mine - holding me tighter than ever. His scent, fair skin and soft hands made contact with me once more before darkness abrupt around me.
I was glad to die by my lover's sword and hug him one last time, feeling his heart beat on a rhythm with mine.
At last I knew, Armin was my reason of living.
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Hi guys, I'd like to thank you for 9k readers and 275 votes and all the comments i received!! I'm grateful of your support for this book and it's now finally came to an end. I know it's not that detailed, however I will be writing an epilogue that will end the story, this chapter was focused on Aurora's freedom and explained her feelings through the whole book - she also dies with the thought of her love being one sided all along and thinking Armin never loved her which brings out one of the causes of wanting death upon her.
Anyhow I'm really glad you guys supported me until here. Please check out my other books, Egoist - Suzuya Juuzo, Art of Death- Eren Jaegar and Soulless- Sasuke Uchiha!
Thank you once again!!💗💗
Fun fact: 5 is the number to freedom and since Aurora hasn't gained her freedom the book ends with 36 chapters which brings out the fact she's still a slave to her mistakes and never gets the freedom her friends will.
