Final Approach (Aviación II) On-going

60

Meltdown

"Multiple crashes? Why didn't I know about this? No one mentioned it at work. Was there a casualty? What happened to the passengers and the crew members?"

Hindi ko matigil ang pagiisip at pagalala nang nalaman ko ang tungkol dito. I failed to form a coherent thought earlier but now nag uunahan lahat sa aking utak.

I can't stop myself suffer it feels like my mind was spinning in confusion and panic.

"You don't have to stress yourself about it. They were no casualties, and the crew safely evacuated the passengers; however, the aircraft skidded off the runway when taxiing for landing. I've been busy working with my dad to see through the investigation and ensure that everything is done correctly."

"W-why did they have to bombard us with questions like we were criminals?!"

"It's fine...everything is fine," he hushed. "We're just waiting for the investigation to finsi before we can decide on things,"

"The public eyes are all on us even more now," i sighed. My mind drifting as i enter the bathroom. Mas lalo kong kailangan na mag ingat kasi ang daming naka bantay sa bawat kilos ko. "I don't need more eyes watching everything i do, you know that."

They can do anything to know more about me. What if they'll know about my baby?

"All they can do is talk and nothing else so you don't have to think about it," i heard him talk but louder now so i can hear while i'm in the bathroom. "It's all just words nothing serious,"

His privileges screams and it's obvious by how he manages to be in this world without a care for the people that he's hurting.

I screamed in my head, loud silence hung heavy in the air, but now there was only this, nothingness.

He really needs to touch some grass. Napailing ako at tinapos ang pagbubura ng makeup. I know for sure that he is not aware of the weight of what he had been said.

Ang dali lang ng lahat para sa kaniya kasi sarili lang naman ang kaniyang iniisip. He only cares about himself. It's like a joke to him and the truth is i didn't want to face it. I know even in his silence.

Our issues stay there untouched because we both don't talk about it but at this point I don't need to hear him say it one more time because it will only hurt.

The air seemed thick, suffocating, pressing against my chest. Binaba ko ang dalang silk dress sa counter at huminga ng malalim. Nag uunahan ang kaba sa aking dibdib.

"I didn't expect for them to be that invested with our marriage. It's scary how they're obsessing over us," mas lalong sumikip ang mundo ko. My anxiety heightened knowing all of the possibilities.

Araw araw ito nalang ang nasa isip ko ang araw nang pag punta ko sa China. I'm just tired of dealing with these things and afraid that people are watching me.

My sadness piled up, triggering more negativity in my mind about how I'm going to lose my kid and how I technically caused my baby to stop existing.

A single tear slipped from the corner of her eye, napasinghap ako sa panic. I can't lose my shit now when i still have to undergo operation.

I can't be mentally unstable now because there's more that i had to do the next day. But my tears tracing a cold path down my cheeks.

Agad kong binura ang luha at binuksan ang shower. I didn't bother wiping it away again because the water naturally drown my body as i stood there, swallowing my cries.

A low cry escaped my lips as i cupped my eyes with my palms.

Feeling intense guilt and hatred for myself, I know what I'm going to do next. I know I'm going to regret it in the end, and I'll be in deep sadness, but I can't force myself to keep on with this set up with a child who didn't do anything wrong.