headphones (luke hemmings/5sos fanfic)

Forever and always

~1 week later~

(Alice's P.O.V.)

It has been a week since Anthony's death and I have never cried so much. But I always try to smile because that is what he would have wanted me to do. I remember him saying his last words and I felt like my heart broke forever because I knew that he knew he was leaving. I have been crying so much in so little time I feel like I am going to run out of tears in the next hour at his funeral.

I feel like I am being drained of my energy because I haven't slept or eaten since Luke fed me breakfast the day my brother died. But what makes it worse is that I have been staying with Luke because my mom and I got into an argument that lead to her kicking me out to the street crying and luckily he was driving down the street and saw me with my suitcase full of clothes just crying on the curb.

~Flashback~

When he first saw me it took him a while to realize it was actually me. When he got out of the car I ran to him and we sat in the middle of the street he hugged me as I cried and we went down me still crying into his shoulder saying "It should have been me." Over and over until he walked me into his car.

When we got in his car and I told him what happened he told me I could stay with him and we drove to his house. The song permanent by David Cook played and I stared crying even more because I always wonder why him? He had his whole life ahead of him and now he is in heaven watching me with my heart broken that he was the only person I cared for and actually had him care for me. I sing along and wish it could have been me with my lung punctured because he could live without me because he would have my mom and his friends. He never needed me and he is gone now when I need him and never wanted him to go so fast because he is only 14. I lived a good 17 years it should have been me because he was just a kid. He was smart and athletic and had a lot of people who loved him. We all still love him and no one could believe he was gone. I sing the line "And so I ask oh god is there someway for me to take his place." Over and over and just wonder why him out of all the people in this universe why him?

We got to Luke's house his mom was there and helped me with my bag upstairs to the guest room. I set my bag down and just cried. That night I tried to sleep but woke up by a nightmare about Anthony being tortured in front of me. When my eyes opened I heard a knock at the door and went quickly to open it as Luke came in bursting through to check to see if I was alright. I said it was just a nightmare and he asked me about it. I told him and he looked deep into my eyes and said " Don't worry I will take care of you." He said grabbing my hand as I look down as my bangs fall in my face. Then before left I asked him to stay with me until I went to sleep and he smiled and went to lay down with me. He hugged my waist as I turned to face him with my hand on his chest feeling his heart beat as I remember falling asleep and having a dream I will never forget.

~Dream~

I was in my old room fighting with my mom about why did Anthony say his last I love you to me especially. " You don't know anything about us mom you just know how to go and leave your kids and have your "Husband" take care of us if we ever cause any problems or don't do anything and have him abuse us verbally or physically." I screamed as she got angrier and angrier to every word I said. "No Alice you are wrong Chris loved you and if it weren't for Anthony coming home from his friends and you coming home from that stupid party none of this would have happened." She said as I began to cry and sob even more. "Chris never loved me all he did was trash me and tell me all the things wrong with me and what I do." I said as she told me to leave and go off and be someone else's problem. I go and pack my bag and go out the door. I get to the curd and started crying and screaming it should have been me. Continuing with "He never should have left it should have been me because he had it all going for him. His grades and athletics. I am nothing and all because I lost him." I said over and over looking at my wrists. I have never thought about that but I asked myself if it does take away the pain. I get out one of my old razor blades that I took from Chris since he never let me or bought me scissors and put it near my wrist. As I got closer and closer I saw a hand reach out and take it away. I look up to see Anthony with a frown on his face. " Never do this to yourself because of me I don't want you to die because of me. I never left you because I am always in your heart and you need to make the memory of me happy and alive so I will always be with you. I love you Alice but right now someone is waiting for you and needs you alive because it may be the love of your life if you let him. Never forget me and I will always be here loving you and I will help you just think of me. I love you Alice never forget that." He said tossing the blade into the garbage can and waved at me with a smile on his face that I missed so much.

~ End of dream~

After I woke up I looked to see it has already been a day since he has left but now I know even when I cry I will always end up smiling because I know he would want me to.

~Present~

I look at myself in the mirror dressed in nothing but black and think to myself about him. I never thought I would attend seeing him being buried 6ft underground. I thought about his body resting and just staying there until the flesh starts to decay. I begin to cry at the thought but decided to hold it in because I know he wants me to stay strong for him. He has never left my mind since he told me he loved me then his body grew cold. No matter how deep they burry him I know he loves me and will help me. I mean it sounds crazy but I feel like he is always there and watching to keep me safe. Every time I cry I always get a random memory of him that was great and then I start to smile because of how happy him and I were. We had great times and he was the best brother I ever had I will always remember him and love him forever and always.