The Calling

Kennedy

My eyes brimmed with tears as I slammed my door shut behind me. A distraction? Really?   Is that all this has been, just a distraction for him?

I looked down at my shaky legs, thinking about our night together where he did something to me I have always saved for someone. I felt that someone was him. Was I wrong?

Our conversation played and played over again in my head but when I finally put my knee down on my bed, there was a knock on the door.

'Not now," I didn't hide the anger in my voice, knowing it had to be Weston.

"Please Ken," his tone was the opposite of mine, soft.

I got up and opened the door fast, "What do you want? I don't want to distract you again," Okay, I had to say that, it was a good comeback, right?

He stepped in as I moved to the side, "Can I please explain, I did not mean that, I mean I did, but uh wait that sounded bad. Can I just please explain, what I said wasn't true," I've never seen him this nervous.

I sat down on my bed wavering him to join me, "Please explain, I will listen." With that he sat down but he grabbed my hand, I was startled at first. He coaxed my palm with his thumb as he began to speak.

"What I said was not true. I don't know why I said that to you or thought that about you, Kennedy. I am really sorry. Something happened before the game, and I have to go to my parents tonight, and I was really emotional. I was thinking how I just needed to get out of here with no distractions. But you, Kennedy, are not the distraction, I just- I don't even know what I am trying to say, this probably makes no sense," At his last sentence, his voice cracked, his eyes getting watery.

"Weston, tell me what is going on, I promise you can tell me anything, I am here for you." I meant it. Seeing him break down like this pulls at my heart.

He took a deep breath before wiping at his eyes and continuing, "When coach pulled me into the locker room in the beginning of the game, he told me uh-" His voice broke again and so did my chest.

"Uh, my-my dad had a stroke right before the game." I gasped louder than I should have, my hand tightening around his. "He survived, but he hasn't woken up yet, they say he should be okay." Thank god. I shook my head as he spoke not wanting to interrupt him.

"And when I found that out, a shit ton of guilt and pain went through me, and that first inning, I felt like I couldn't focus Ken. Any ball I threw was either in the dirt or in the sky; I just couldn't shake the freight and guilt I had. But when I looked at you, everything stopped." His eyes locked with mine, all noise besides his voice was gone. "Kennedy, I looked up at you in the stands, and everything stopped. All the feeling of it stopped. Seeing your eyes and your smile made me focus on what I was supposed to do. You made me know everything was going to be okay without even having to tell me. So I am sorry I called you a distraction when you are the furthest thing from it," I felt my own eyes watering again.

"Lately with deciding between either going pro or coming back home, I have been trying not to think about it but when my coach told me about my-my dad all I felt was guilt and shame. I felt guilty for leaving them and even thinking about going pro and not helping them. I felt like it was my fault. I felt like all of these good things that were happening to me like baseball and you were just distractions from the reality of the decision I have to make soon. As soon as I got in my car I broke down, I just wanted to start driving home already leaving all of this without even thinking about what this is. This, baseball, my family, my friends, you, are important to me and I push them off as distractions to make me feel better even though this is just life. I do have a tough decision to make but I need to stop being hard on myself because I do things like say that horrible stuff to you. I am sorry again Kennedy, I hope you can forgive me because I have never felt something like this with anyone." A tear strangled down my cheek as his last sentence slipped his wet lips.