30 Days With You (Ian Somerhalder Fan Fiction)

Chapter 53: You're Ready

Author's Note:
I don't usually do this but I remember writing this chapter while listening to Skinny Love by Birdy. Thought it would help with the mood of the chapter this week. On to the chapter now...
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I struggled to open the door, but I did.

Then, the next challenge appeared, where can I find my things?

Sure, Ian said he would keep them in his house in Georgia, but he didn't exactly told me where in the house.

"Ian?" I called out in the hopes of him appearing. Silence answered my pleas, not how I would have preferred, but at least I knew I was alone.

I started making my way pass the living room and towards the kitchen because maybe he was busy doing anything there and didn't heard me. No luck.

I kept walking through the house, opening every door and taking a look inside. I didn't noticed I had a line of animals walking behind me, analyzing my every move.....

....I kept looking for my things after the animal appreciation moment. Like half and hour later.

Finally I came to the last room. I just opened the door expecting my things to be there. So far, I saw my guitar laying on the bed and my batman beanie hanging with lots of fedora hats. This was undeniably Ian's room.

I walked further into the room and looked behind me to see...myself. I figured that was the closet, with a sliding mirror door, and I was right. Our clothes was neatly hanged side by side perfectly. I took off the empty backpack and proceeded to do what I came here for.

How much time has it taken for him to organize my things? How many things did he not do in order to do this? How many important things did he ignored just to be there for me? From how many opportunities have our relationship kept him away from?

I couldn't stop my mind from going there....

It was justifiable. He has lost many career changing opportunities because of me. And he can't even say 'it's because of my relationship' because, to the world, he is not in one. I'm a poor excuse he can't even use.

He would be better off without me...

Before I had a saying on my actions, I was packing my things for a whole new reason. Today, when he comes home, he will find no reminder of me. This home, like his life, will not have a piece of me inside. The saddest metaphor.

And it was like the animals knew what I was doing. Now, instead of following me around the room looking for more appreciation, they all sat at the door, looking at me. I threw my backpack on the bed for a breakdown. This was it. I was sitting on the floor by the bed with my face buried in my hands, the only breath I could take was by sobbing uncontrollably. I felt my whole body trembling and I immediately knew this was no way to speak to a person.

How else am I going to explain this to Ian? I can't even talk and I'm just packing. Who knows how wrecked I'm going to be with Ian in front of me. The near thought of it sent tears rolling down my face once more.

After ten solid minutes, I was able to breath again and I made my way to Ian's office to get some paper and something I could write with. Back at his room, I sat on the bed and wrote. Wrote everything I couldn't say. Everything I wanted to say. I left the letter on Ian's bed before I picked up the backpack and made my way to the car. When I was making my way back to the house, another car pulled up. I didn't had to turn around to know who it was.

Ian's timing has always been impeccable.

Exactly what I dreaded. But exactly what I expected. I heard the car door closing and Ian calling for me but I chose to ignore it for as long as I could. I had brought two more backpacks and I was now filling them with the rest of my clothes. I looked up to see Ian at the door of his room, finally realizing what was happening.

"Why now?" He asked above all the sorrow that came over his eyes. I tried to play strong for both of us.

"I'll agree. It should've been sooner but...better late than never." I said with a hint of sarcasm to hide my own sorrows.

"Don't play games now. After everything we have been through, this is how you want it to go down?" He asked calling for my attention.

"To be fair, my original dead line was after 30 days." I answered.

"Do you think I wanted 30 days with you? 'Cause I didn't." My eyes shot back at him before he finished. "I wanted a lifetime." He carried on after he saw no expression on my face. "Don't you get it? I was willing to put our reputations on the line for this. My career, if necessary! Does that mean anything to you?!"

"You said it yourself now. Our reputations are already on the line here. Don't you care about your reputation?" I asked him. He spoke while walking towards me at strong speeds.

"The only thing I care about right now is you." He took my hands and stopped them from stuffing more clothes into the backpack. "Us. This."

"Well I'm carrying for you as well." I said as I did my best to release my hands from his grasp. He let go of me immediately and made distance between us, his back was facing me. "We knew what we were getting our selfs into from day one-" Ian interrupted me turning around and speaking.

"I gave up control for you!" He yelled at me. It was good, he was getting emotion out, that's healthy. I, however, spoke with tranquility.

"I gave up myself to you..." I said.

"Then why end it?!" He asked out of frustration taking a hold of my face.

"....Because life has a tendency of fucking things up when you finally get to be happy..." I said looking at his eyes with a smile growing on my face. He looked away taking a deep breath to calm down the tears that were threatening to fall down his face. "...You're ready now." I said caressing his face remembering our conversation from the first time I flew to California.

He immediately started shaking his head 'no' and denying my statement while I tried to calm him down by reassuring he was indeed ready. We were talking at the same time while our faces leaned into one another's until our foreheads touched. Ian stopped his denying to kiss me and I didn't had the heart to reject him, nor did I wanted to. I kept caressing his face while he kissed me, a few tears coming down now that he had closed his eyes. He kissed me with the intentions of making me change my mind, I felt it. But I also felt him savoring it, as if he knew it was going to be the last.

A tear made its way out of my own eye and Ian brush it away with his hand as we pulled away.

"You're ready." I assured one more time.

"But I love you."

"But you're ready."

"But I can't."

"But you will." I said with and encouraging smile on my face. "It's for the best. Your best." I said before taking my things and walking away. I stopped at the door of his room and looked at him. His back was facing me again but I saw his hand going up to his lips and I saw how his body filled with air as he sighed.

"I love you." I said from the bottom of my heart so it would be the last thing he heard me say before I left. The animals escorted me out with a sad look on their faces and one of the cats brushed its body against my leg as I walked by, as if to make me stay.

I wish it were that easy, I thought.