Finding My Voice

~26~

//A/N//: my spring sport is starting so now i am currently living in a constant feeling of soreness :))))))))) tears. also i am in a phase of academic burnout where i am not motivated to do anything school related so do not come for me for my missing assignments. woot woot. 

mwah!  x  -  s

...

The steady beeping of Casey's heart monitor is the first thing I hear when I wake up. I have not left her side since I got to the hospital three days ago. Turns out we did make it through to the next round, but at the moment I don't know what is going to happen. I don't want to leave my sister, but I have an obligation to my friends. They've been so kind and understanding, texting me everyday asking about my sister's condition. I'm really so grateful for them. 

Niall even DM'd me yesterday, just letting me know that he is aware of the situation and how he's praying for Casey. After that, I received an email from The Voice Administration letting me know that due to my absence they will be postponing the show for a week or two and also sending their condolences. I had no clue that they could pause a whole live show like that, but I'm not complaining. 

I looked down at my sister's face that is riddled with bandages, the police said that the fact that the other car mainly hit her side is abnormally unlucky. As a result of the apparently 'talented' drunk driver, Casey's face will have permanent scarring which will just add to the list of things my sister didn't deserve to happen to her. She's still so young, yet every bad thing happens to her. First, her dream gets taken away and she has to watch her younger sister live it out. Then, just before her boyfriend proposes to her, she goes into a coma with permanent damage to her body and there is no telling when she could wake up. If she would wake up. 

A soft knock on the door wakes me out of my thoughts. 

Jamie's head popped through the open door, an immediate smile grew on his face when he saw me. 

"Hey," he greets, walking over to me and pulling up a chair. 

"Hi. How is everyone?" I ask.

He shrugs, "Just about the same. I think, they're all a little grateful for a break to be honest. Claire misses you a lot, she keeps trying to talk to us about her girl stuff because she doesn't want to text you just in case it bothers you."

"Oh that'll never bother me, I miss her too. You should've brought them with you."

He gasps, "Pyper! Is this you saying you hate my company?" He puts a hand to his chest, "I am so terribly offended!!" 

"Yeah, you're horrible to be around." I joke.

"You horrible person!" He laughs, "Well, I didn't exactly tell them I was coming to see you but next time for sure."

"Sounds like a plan."

We're quiet for a little bit, just listening to the steady beat of the monitor and Casey's oxygen. 

Suddenly I feel Jamie's hand on mine, "How are you doing with all of this?" I turn to look at him. "Please be honest with me."

I look down and sigh, "Well, I'm doing as well as I can. I guess I just keep thinking about how unfair this all is and that it's kind of my fault." 

"How would it be your fault? You were not the one who crashed into her."

"True, I wasn't. But, she wouldn't have gotten in the crash if it weren't for her trying to come to the performance. I should have told her she didn't need to come to every single one. Also my sister's already been through so much. It's just so unfair. Casey doesn't deserve any of this. She's such an amazing person, why does someone who is so selfless have to have everything taken away from her?" I cry. 

Jamie puts an arm around me, "I don't know why these things happened to your sister, but do not ever take the blame for something that could never be your fault. Your sister chose to support you, she wanted to be there for you. There is nothing you could have done to prevent that. The only thing you can do is be here for her right now, which is what you have been doing. You are doing the best you can, just be optimistic that she'll wake up because she will. And when she wakes up, she's going to come to our epic performance that will put us through to the Live Shows!"

"Thank you for being here with me." I say, "But, I don't know if I want to keep doing the show."

He leans away from me, "What? What do you mean?"

I look up at him, "I mean I don't know. I just feel so guilty right now. I don't feel like I deserve to go back. The more I think about it, the more I feel like it should be Casey in the competition not me. I took her audition just because she had to get that stupid surgery. You should have heard her voice, Jamie. She was such an amazing singer and she loved it so much. Everyone loved to hear her sing, and she loved to sing for them. I loved hearing her sing. I feel like I'm living her life right now. I feel like I stole it from her."

"Pyper." Jamie says. "You have the best voice out of all of us. You told me yourself that your sister begged you to do the audition, so as far as I'm concerned she does not feel like you 'stole her life'. I've seen her in the audience, and she is so proud of you. You have one hundred percent earned your spot here, you put in the work and you sound amazing. I bet your sister sounded amazing, but right now you can sing for her. You can win this competition for her. But, I'm not going to tell you what you should and shouldn't do. So if you really want to drop out of the competition, you can go ahead. But we'll miss you."

"Thank you Jamie. I'll think about it." I smile.

"No the fuck you won't. You are doing that competition you little shit." A weak voice says.

...