Finding My Voice

~28~

//A/N//: rahhhhh it is almost summer bitches!! honestly i should start getting paid for how many hours i spend at school. 

anywayssss the end is coming near i hope....   x  -  s

...

Spending the last few days with both Louis Tomlinson and Niall Horan has been 2/5 of my life goal. Not to mention, Louis is in fact my favorite. He's been so kind and supportive just sitting in on our rehearsal, giving us advice when we need it, or even just being all smiley. Also, this man is fucking funny. Like cackle worthy funny. 

After Louis came skipping into our rehearsal the first time, I was whisked away to go film my interviews. They just had me talk about my childhood and shit, basically just my backstory. Y'know milking it for the viewers, trying to make them envy or pity me. Most likely the latter, because they asked me a shit ton of questions about my sister, and when I asked them why they said something like, "To evoke human emotions and gain viewership.", what a bunch of little manipulators. 

After that horrible experience, I spent some time with my mama. We cried a few tears about my sister and she told me that she's staying for at least two weeks. Of course she started getting all nosy in my life and started asking questions about my love life, which I like to think of as non-existent but who knows? Jamie surely is interested, and he's stopped being clingy just a little bit. To be fair, he probably noticed how uncomfortable it made me. I kinda kept scooting away from him just slightly. Not enough to totally hurt his feelings, but just enough for him to comprehend that he needed to back off while I'm in healing mode. 

Anyways, tomorrow is our first round of the Live Shows and I am currently sitting in the green room. I could not be shitting myself more. I mean, I know the song and I know my parts but this is when things get real. As we get further and further into the competition, the more I don't want to go home. I am feeling the pressure and I know I need to do good because I don't want to be the reason my group goes home. I mean, I haven't been singing as long as the others so what if I mess up? I look up as I hear a knock on the door. 

"Hello, mind if I come in?" Louis asks. 

I nod, "Yeah, of course."

He comes in and sits next to me on the couch, "What's bothering you, love?"

First of all, I just about passed out. Second of all, how stupid would it be if I just dumped all my hypothetical shit on a celebrity. Sorry, my celebrity crush. Well, fuck it.

"I don't know, I guess I'm just feeling a lot of pressure right now." I sigh. 

"How do you mean?"

I look over, "I mean, I know my parts and everything, but I just have this feeling that when it comes down to it tomorrow I'm going to fuck up. I haven't been singing very long, and I'm nowhere near as experienced as the others so I'm bound to mess up at some point. And if I mess up, then that means I'll be the sole reason Anthony, Claire, Alex, and Jaime go home." 

Louis looks at me with warm eyes, "What's making you feel like this? From what Niall's told me, your confidence has grown so much. Has someone said something?"

I shook my head, "No, they wouldn't say anything like that! If anything they've been nothing but supportive!" I pause, "I just - I guess the further we get into this competition the more pressure I feel. I came into this thinking I wasn't even going to get past the Blind Auditions, but now that I'm here going into the Live Shows, I don't want to go home. After everything that has happened, I don't want to leave knowing that I could have won. I don't know, I'm definitely just overthinking everything. Sorry for bothering you."

"Hey, love, it's okay to feel these kinds of things. I know how you feel, I was on a show like this too in your exact situation. I remember I was always so afraid of messing up, of being seen as the 'weakest link'. But as the weeks kept going by, I noticed that regardless of how much I contributed vocally to the group, the rest of the boys looked up to me and trusted me to do my part. The least I could do was to start enjoying my experience and grow relationships. Sure, in the end, we didn't win the show but look at us now. And you lot sure as hell have a whole lot more talent then we did so there's no way that you aren't winning this thing!" He laughs before putting a hand on my shoulder, "Pyper, I know it's easy to think badly of yourself, trust me I've been there. And I sure as hell know what it's like to feel like you're going to mess up the whole thing for everyone you care about, but at some point you've got to understand that regardless of what happens, you've got to be proud and appreciate how far you've come. Who knows? Maybe you guys will also get signed to a record label right outta the show as well, even if you don't win!"

I give him a small smile, "Thank you, Louis."

He smiles back at me, "Of course, love. Now get a move on before Niall comes looking for you! The Irish one is scary when he gets mad."

We both laugh as we stand up and he gives me a short but meaningful hug.

I walk out into the rehearsal studio ready and with a new mindset. I know that the probability of me messing up during the actual performance is very slim, and I haven't messed up yet. But if I keep dwelling on the idea, I most definitely will fuck things up. So, tomorrow I'm just going to go out there and have fun while singing with my friends. 

"Oi! Pyper, where have you gone?" Niall yells out at me. 

Louis walks up behind him and pats his head, "Sorry mate, we just had a little chat."

Niall sighs, "I knew having you here would disrupt everything."

"Oh c'mon lad, you know you love me." Louis laughs.

"I hate that you're right."

...

//A/N//: side note: how perfect was it that the chapter with a whole heartfelt talk with louis is chapter 28? dear god, i am good and i swear i didn't even mean to do that shit.