Past and Present

27

A/N: Double update! To make up for the heaviness of last chapter, I'm releasing this now as well. I was not able to proofread this numerous times so I apologize in advance for any wrong grammars.

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PRESENT YEAR

I wiped my tears and sniffed, "so yeah, I had four broken ribs, a fractured arm and leg, a broken jaw, my face was purple for almost a month. So I had to be fed through a tube. Then I had a lot of cuts that needed stitches, lost my hearing for almost a month and a half, and a dislocated shoulder." I summarized everything I endured.

Wow, I endured all of that. And here I am gaslighting myself for a year that I endured more when I had Addison. But listing it down for Lando right now... it made it as real as it can get.

I'm waiting for Lando to speak up or even comment but no words are coming out of him right now, "as soon as I was cleared by the hospital shrink and the rehab, dad shipped me back to Europe. That explains why Addie and I arrived in the middle of a race week." I continued.

Feeling as if I said everything, I let the silence fills the space between us. Lando is still eerily quiet, heck, i'll even accept a snide remark from him right now. Literally anything to somehow know what is running through his head right now.

Deciding to break the silence again, "Hey–" I started as I pat his back softly; instead Lando suddenly lunges himself to me and hugged me. Tight.

Tight. Like at that moment i'll disappear from him. This is the kind of hug that feels like he doesn't want to let go of me; his hug made me close my eyes and just inhale his intoxicating scent.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry—" Lando kept repeating just as I felt my shirt starting to get wet.

Never in many years I would've thought that I will see Lando cry. Not even when he was bullied back in boarding school, Lando never shed a tear in front of me. Even that heartbreaking Sochi Grand Prix, he never cried in front of me. Between the two of us, I was always the crybaby. So seeing Lando like this right now, and knowing that it's because of me, it made my heart ache.

Lando continued mumbling sorries to my ear and I held him for a while as I caress his back; his hug continues to be tight but I'm not minding it. This is what I have always wanted anyway. To be held by him.

I heard Lando sniffed and muttered softly, "I should've been there. I should've been there–" I pulled away from Lando and held his face with both hands.

"Hey, I'm sure you had your reasons back then." I answered softly while staring at him, wiping his tears with my thumbs.

Maybe everyone's right. Maybe it really wasn't Lando's intention to be unreachable that year. Maybe if I told him about it the moment I got back from Minnesota. Maybe everything between us would not have blown out of proportion. Maybe I could have just focused on how to tell Charles about Addison. Maybe I would not have gotten sidetracked about this thing between Lando and I. Maybe it would not have gotten way too complicated between us.