We headed to the arena at about 5:30 because the show started at 8:30, giving us time to eat and get ready.
But as soon as Eddie and I hopped out of the tour bus, we were bombarded by reporters, paparazzi, and some fans.
"Whore!" I heard someone yell at me.
Eddie held me close, yelling at everyone to leave me alone.
"Eddie we thought you were better than this! Sleeping with a cunt like her!"
I realised that my tears became uncontrollable sobs, and that me crying would only give them more shit to bitch about. So I wiped my tears away and Eddie and I walked right into the arena where they left us alone.
We each had dressing rooms, but Eddie and I pretty much shared everything at this point.
I got changed into a white pair of doc martens, and one of Eddie's ratty old flannels. He didn't change at all, he wore the shit he wanted to onstage.
And he's lazy.
But I love him that way.
I put my hair up because I hate it flying around onstage. The whole time I was getting ready he just watched me, but in a beautiful way.
And then I felt a pair of arms hug me from behind.
"I love you," he said, kissing my neck.
I felt a shiver run down my spine.
My heart raced. And my lungs began to fill with lust.
Lust and love seemed to come hand in hand in something called passion.
"We have some time," he grinned.
We were standing in front of a mirror and I could watch his every move.
He left to lock the dressing room door, and I just stood there, not knowing what to feel.
"Eddie we thought you were better than this! Sleeping with a cunt like her!" played over and over in my head.
This was our first time having sex, now that I think about it.
I'm not a whore.
Eddie came back and pulled his shirt off and took of my/his flannel. He kissed my lips, down to my neck, my chest...
Making love should be beautiful. Nothing trashy if it's real. Not shitty. Not boring. It should be exhilarating. And man, I've never felt such exhilaration in my life.
Eddie contained lots of anger in his heart. From his dad, leaving him, and being raised believing his stepfather was his biological father.
I had anger, too. About my own father. He neglected my family, my mother especially, left us and came back too many times. Leaving me to raise my siblings with my mother.
But when we seemed to have sex, our anger was disposed of.
It was, gentle. Eddie was kind, even though he thought he wasn't.
He gets caught up with the media and expectations of fans. And I wanted to make him feel loved, and I know for a fact I did.
And he wanted me to feel cared for, in my time of worry.
He released me.
