I get up around 5 o'clock in the morning to get ready for the trial.
But I refuse to wear a suit. Or anything formal. Never. Not for the fucker that killed my Amanda.
But I dress Delilah up. She's only a week old, but I found a tiny purple dress for her. Tiny, tiny. It's even a bit big for her, because she's a premature baby. And I put the bow on her head they gave her the day she was born.
But before I got in my car, I cried. I screamed. I yelled into the rainy, dark Seattle morning. And then I got into my car and cried some more. I cried. And cried. And cried.
And then I drove.
I walked into the courthouse, Delilah in my arms. Amanda's family was there, and I sat next to Delilah's grandmother. Her family said kind things to comfort me, and I treated them with respect.
But her father wasn't there.
Bastard.
Delilah was surprisingly calm.
My bandmates showed up, along with the former Crescent Sun members.
We were witnesses.
And then they brought out Corey.
He glanced at us, and I gave him the most menacing glare I could give him. I wanted him in hell. But I didn't want him on death row. I didn't believe in death row.
I just wanted him to burn. In hell. I wanted fuckin' justice.
And he looked away, his expression showing no emotion whatsoever.
Fucking shithead.
And then he sat down, in cuffs. Police guarding him.
He was God like. He was a stunning man, and he made me feel insecure, very insecure.
I was a strange looking person. My cheekbones looked too feminine, my ass chin made me feel too masculine, my hair too thick and messy. My eyes too far apart, the blue in them too bright. My lips formed in a disgusting, annoying way when I smiled.
I was very, very ugly.
It made me wonder why she loved me so much.
I hope Delilah will look like her mother.
Corey looked disoriented, afraid, and fatigued. Asshole.
And the trial begun, and I didn't pay attention to most of it. I got up to speak, first.
"You'll burn in hell. My daughter will grow up without a mother and its your fault. I lost the love of my life and I will have permanent sadness in my heart. It will never go away, because of you."
And I left before I cried in front of everyone. I sat back down, tears forming in my eyes.
"Oh, Vedder, such a fucking crybaby," Corey spat.
I handed Delilah to Suzanne and shot up from my seat.
"HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!!" I screamed, and then the courthouse became chaotic.
"Order! Order in the court! I will not tolerate that language or disrespect in this courthouse,"
Judge Woodley yelled.
"And Gill, you shut your mouth or I will sentence you to a life of charity work. Someone like yourself wouldn't like that." The big, black man said smartly.
And I sat down, grabbed my daughter again, and cried gently.
Corey was sentenced to life in prison. He'd die there. And then burn in hell. Forever.
I said my goodbyes to Amanda's family and left.
I went back home.
